Green Acres (TV Series)

The Good Old Days (1966)

Eva Gabor: Lisa Douglas, Etta Thompson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Oliver Wendell Douglas : Well, Mr. Thompson lists a few things here that a farmer should look for in a wife: she should be strong of limb, have good wind, large hands and sturdy legs.

  Lisa Douglas : If that's what you want, you should have married my father.

• Etta Thompson : Just because my teeth don't have to be fixed, doesn't mean that I am dumb.

• Etta Thompson : Cheating is all right as long as it is with your own wife.

• Gus Thompson : [Gus has just given Etta an axe as a wedding present]  Well, it's not easy to be a farmer's wife. We're gonna have to clear this land together. Here now, you start chopping down at that end and I'll start chopping up at this end.

  Etta Thompson : Oh, eh, this is our honeymoon. Couldn't we chop a little closer together?

• Etta Thompson : Uh, this is our honeymoon. Couldn't we chop a little closer together?

  Gus Thompson : Oh. I'm glad Gladys Schwabbakker didn't show up.

  Etta Thompson : Are you?

  Gus Thompson : Yes. We're going to do all right together. We're going to clear the land, build a house, plant the crops, raise a family.

  Etta Thompson : Family of what?

  Gus Thompson : Children. Fifteen of them. Twenty of them.

  Etta Thompson : You chop there, and I'll chop here.

  Gus Thompson : Etta, you do want children, don't you?

  Etta Thompson : Sure. We're going to have one next week.

  Gus Thompson : What?

  Etta Thompson : Gladys is going to send us one of hers for a wedding present.

• Etta Thompson : Fine way to act for a fellow in my condition.

  Gus Thompson : What are you taking about?

  Etta Thompson : You're going to be a father.

  Gus Thompson : Of what? A father? You mean?

  Etta Thompson : Yes.

  Gus Thompson : Oh, here, lie down.

  Etta Thompson : I'm all right.

  Gus Thompson : No, no, no, no, I want you to take care of yourself. No more chopping wood. Uh, just enough for the kitchen stove. And no more plowing all day. Knock off at lunch time.

  Etta Thompson : Oh, Gus, you're so good to me.

• Etta Thompson : Gus! Gus!

  Gus Thompson : Oh, what's the matter?

  Etta Thompson : The stork is on its way.

  Gus Thompson : Oh, he's going to have a hard time on a night like... the stork! Get the doctor! No, no, I'll get the doctor! You boil some water! No, no, I'll boil the water! You get the doctor! I'll get the horse. Hey, we haven't got a horse! You made me buy that stupid dress instead! No, no, be calm, I'll get the doctor. Don't worry, we'll boil some water.

  Etta Thompson : Will you get the doctor?

  Gus Thompson : I'm getting the doctor. I just don't want to leave you on a night like this.

  Etta Thompson : Will you please get the doctor?

  Gus Thompson : Be calm, you'll be all right now.

  Etta Thompson : Gus, will you...

  Gus Thompson : I want to thank you. You don't know what this means to me.

  Etta Thompson : Will you please get the doctor?

  Gus Thompson : I want to thank you personally. Yes, I'll get the doctor.

  [runs into door] 

  Etta Thompson : Boy, for the first time, I wish he had married Gladys Schwabbakker.

• Gus, Jr. : Mom, Dad, are you all right?

  Etta Thompson : Fine, Junior. Where are your brothers and sisters?

  Gus, Jr. : They're safe. They appointed me spokesman chairman.

  Gus Thompson : Of what?

  Gus, Jr. : The "Let's Desert the Sinking Ship" Committee.

• Etta Thompson : Gus! Gus!

  Gus Thompson : Oh, what's the matter? What's the matter?

  Etta Thompson : Gus?

  Gus Thompson : Yeah?

  Etta Thompson : Will you run into town and get the doctor?

  Gus Thompson : What?

  Etta Thompson : Remind him he's coming for supper tonight.

  Gus Thompson : You shook me up.

• Etta Thompson : Do you ever regret that it was me who showed up Iinstead of Gladys Schwabbakker?

  Gus Thompson : Not as much as I used to. Little joke. You ever - you ever sorry you married me?

  Etta Thompson : No.

• Oliver Wendell Douglas : I just thought it might help you appreciate how wonderful farm life can be.

  Lisa Douglas : Oliver, some women are cut out to be farm wives, and some aren't. And this is Mrs. Aren't bidding you good night.

• Lisa Douglas : Well, a red ear of com.

  Oliver Wendell Douglas : It's not only red, it's got, uh, yellow kernels, and blue kernels, and green kernels, and purple kernels.

  Lisa Douglas : Well, Gus, it looks like you hit the jackpot.