Photos
Quotes
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Officer Ziva David : Lt. Commander Wilkinson drives a 2002 silver Jetta.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Figures...
Officer Ziva David : What figures?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Chick car.
Officer Ziva David : Meaning?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : There are guy cars and there are chick cars. It's a known and irrefutable fact.
Officer Ziva David : Was it a government study?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : It's just a thing you know, you don't know how you know it, you just do. Sebring, Liberty, Jetta and Bug; whole VW line are all chick. Mustang, Camaro, Escalade, PT Cruiser: all guy. Hummer is very guy, but with adequacy issues, and then there is some that go both ways.
[Officer David steps on the breaks and points at a silver car]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : It's an Accord, not a Jetta. But, case in point, Mini Cooper and Accura follow the same category.
Officer Ziva David : Uff, you've giving this a lot of thought, it's very sad.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Then there is the Miata, it's a special case: Leans to chick, but can go guy, usually means he's in denial, though. STOP!
Officer Ziva David : Gladly, if it means I don't have to listen to your automobile gender issues.
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : [after entering Wilkerson's house] Nice job with the lock by the way.
Officer Ziva David : Thank you, it was a very simple pin-and-tumbler design.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : So are handcuffs. But I bet you couldn't get out of a pair.
Officer Ziva David : Are you saying, you'd like to handcuff me, Tony?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : It's not *really* my thing, Ziva.
Officer Ziva David : I see. You're the one who likes to be handcuffed, then, huh?
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : [quietly, to Ziva] Will you please calm down. This guy is a little jumpy, and nervous, so just relax. No sudden moves, all right?
[Ziva removes her cuffs, kicks the security guard's gun away, and pins him to the floor, aiming the gun at his chest]
Security Officer Chuck Parnell : No, no! Don't shoot! Don't-don't shoot!
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Nobody's gonna shoot anyone. Right, Officer David?
Officer Ziva David : He called me a dirtbag.
Security Officer Chuck Parnell : [whimpering] I'm sorry, ma'am.
Officer Ziva David : [angrier] "Ma'am?"
[Tony facepalms]
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Security Officer Chuck Parnell : Make any sudden moves, I shoot. Do we understand each other?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Okay, relax, Quick-draw. We're feds.
Security Officer Chuck Parnell : Yeah? What agency?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo , Officer Ziva David : NCIS.
Security Officer Chuck Parnell : Never heard of it.
Officer Ziva David : Naval Criminal Investigative Ser...
Security Officer Chuck Parnell : Never-heard-of-it.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : [sighs] You never actually get used to that. You think you will, but you never do.
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Enough about me. Let me guess: Pilates?
Officer Ziva David : Very good, Tony.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : I *am* an investigator, it's kind of what I do.
Officer Ziva David : Mm-hmm.
[puts her feet on her desk, her feet are covered with tape and blood]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : I thought you said you were doing Pilates?
Officer Ziva David : Isn't Pilates one of your Martial Arts?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : No. It's kind of like expensive stretching.
Officer Ziva David : Mm. Well then, I guess I wasn't doing a Pilate.
[starting to take the tape off her feet]
Officer Ziva David : Mind giving me a hand with this?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Yes I do. Whose blood is that?
Officer Ziva David : Not mine.
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Security Officer Chuck Parnell : Cuff yourself to him.
Officer Ziva David : I'd rather you shoot me first.
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Officer Ziva David : [McGee is dismantling a network server] What can I do to help, McGee?
Special Agent Timothy McGee : You can stop touching things when you're not grounded.
Officer Ziva David : Okay, sorry. Hack away, you won't even notice me here.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Okay, but you're standing on my foot
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : [Ziva's driving as they're searching for Wilkerson's car] Just out of curiosity, who taught you to drive?
Officer Ziva David : I did!
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Ross Logan : Look, our best hackers haven't been able to track this guy.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : You haven't met our hacker.
Ross Logan : He's good?
Officer Ziva David : Does a bear sit in the woods?
Ross Logan : [slight chuckle] Are you the crackerjack team on this job?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : She's Israeli.
Officer Ziva David : Look, I know I got the bear thing right.
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : [Gibbs quickly accelerates the car] Where we going now, Boss?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : The mall!
Officer Ziva David : And they have a problem with *my* driving?
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Danny : He's bluffing, there's no such thing as "genital cuffs."
Tim : But what if there is?
Danny : Yeah, what if Geck finds out we ratted on him?
Tim : I mean, these guys aren't even cops, they're some secret government agency! Did you see the way that chick was playing with her knife?
Danny : Yeah, I know... it was kind of hot, like Salma Hayek in "Desperado."
Officer Ziva David : [appearing behind them, casually holding her knife] Never seen that.
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Officer Ziva David : Don't worry, Abby. Sometimes you can't see the jungle for the ferns.
Abby Sciuto : Uh... right.
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Officer Ziva David : Who's on the phone?
Danny : Uh, my girlfriend.
[Ziva takes the phone]
Officer Ziva David : [flirtatiously] Hi...
[giggles]
Officer Ziva David : Oh, my God! Don't touch me there!
Danny's Girlfriend : What?
Officer Ziva David : He's gonna have to call you back. Bye.
Danny's Girlfriend : What? Wait a sec...!
[Ziva hangs up the phone]
Officer Ziva David : [to Danny] You're busted.
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Ross Logan : I run this chapter of the PBJ.
Officer Ziva David : Peanut butter and jelly, right?
Ross Logan : Actually, no. It stands for Perverts Brought to Justice.
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Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : Did you get Lt. Commander Wilkerson's home address?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : [sitting at his desk] I did.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : Then why are you still here?
[Tony jumps to his feet at heads to the elevator]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : Are you waiting for an invitation, Officer David?
Officer Ziva David : Oh, so you really are getting married?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : He means you're with me.
Officer Ziva David : [jumps to her feet] Oh. I knew that!
