Roseanne (TV Series)

The Dark Ages (1992)

John Goodman: Dan Conner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Darlene : Mom wants me to go on the pill because Becky had sex.

  Dan : [pause]  I don't think that'll work.

• Dan : [the electricity has been shut off, and the Connors are trying to entertain themselves by telling stories]  But I bet your Mom could make up a good one, couldn't you, honey?

  Roseanne : Oh, okay, let's see. Um, ah! I got one, okay. Well, once upon a time there was these four princesses, and they lived in this great big house all together and they never left, okay? And uh, they just sat around all the time talking and talking, and yammering and yammering. And they killed every single man who ever came over there, except for one who they kept as a pet. And then one time these two princesses left, and then these other two came on and they really stunk, and...

  Darlene : Mom, that's "Designing Women".

• Dan : Roseanne, if something is going on in this house, I need to know about it.

  Roseanne : Okay, well brace yourself... the kids can hear you having sex!