The Simpsons (TV Series)

Mother Simpson (1995)

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier

Quotes 

• Marge : Homer!

  Homer : That's my name.

  Marge : When I asked you if you bought that dummy to fake your own death, you told me "no".

• Marge : [sings]  How many roads must a man walk down / Before you can call him a man...

  Homer : Seven.

  Lisa : No, dad, it's a rhetorical question.

  Homer : OK, eight.

  Lisa : Dad, do you even know what "rhetorical" means?

  Homer : Do *I* know what "rhetorical" means?

• Marge : Mother Simpson, we'd like to ask you a few questions about your past.

  Mother Simpson : Can't reminisce. Sleeping.

  Bart : [she pretends to fall asleep]  Spill it, Muddy Mae, or we're calling the cops!

  Mother Simpson : Please don't.

  Lisa : All right, then we'll call your husband: Grandpa.

  Mother Simpson : No! I'll talk. I'll tell you everything.

• Marge : [because of a prank, the town residents all think Homer has died]  A tombstone?

  Patty Bouvier : It came with the burial plot. But that's not important. The important thing is Homer's dead.

  Selma Bouvier : We've been saving for this since your wedding day.

  Marge : [slamming the door in their faces]  Get out of here, you *ghouls*! Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.

  [the power goes out] 

  Marge : Huh?

  [sticking her head out the kitchen window] 

  Marge : Uh, excuse me. Sir, I think there's been a mistake.

  Electrician : [up on a utility pole]  Oh, no. No mistake. Your electricity's in the name of Homer J. Simpson, deceased. The juice stays off 'til you get a job or a generator. Oh, and, uh, my deepest sympathies.

• Mother Simpson : [recounting the neutralization of Mr. Burns' germ laboratory]  From that moment on, my life as I knew it was over.

  Kent Brockman : [cut to her watching the news]  Only one member of the Springfield Seven was identified. She's been described as a woman in her early 30s, yellow complexion, and may be extremely helpful. For Channel Six News, I'm Kenny Brockelstein.

  Mother Simpson : [entering Homer's room where he sleeps]  Homer?

  [kissing his forehead, then leaving] 

  Mother Simpson : I'll miss you, Homer.

  Homer : I thought I dreamed that kiss.

  Marge : I'm so sorry I misjudged you, Mom. You had to leave to protect your family.

  Lisa : How did you survive?

  Mother Simpson : Oh, I had help from my friends in the underground. Jerry Rubin gave me a job marking his line of health shakes. I proofread Bobby Seale's cookbook, and I ran credit checks at Tom Hayden's Porsche dealership.

• Homer : I'm so glad to have my mom back. I never realized how much I missed her.

  Marge : She's nice.

  Homer : But?

  Marge : I just don't think you should get too excited about the woman who abandoned you for 25 years. You could get hurt again.

  Homer : First, it wasn't 25 years. It was 27 years. And second, she had a very good reason.

  Marge : Which was?

  Homer : I don't know. I guess I was just a horrible son and no mother would want me.

  Marge : Oh, Homie. Come on, you're a sweet, kind, loving man. I'm sure you were a wonderful son.

  Homer : Then why did she leave me?

  Marge : Let's find out.

• Reverend Lovejoy : Marge, we can't tell you how sorry we are.

  Ned Flanders : You have our deepest condol-diddly-olences. I'm sorry. I-I'm just nervous. I didn't mean any disrespect.

  Marge : What are you talking about?

  Ned Flanders : You know, uh...

  [Marge stares blankly] 

  Ned Flanders : Homer's passing.

  [another blank stare] 

  Ned Flanders : Away.

  [another blank stare] 

  Ned Flanders : Into death.

  Marge : What?

  [taking a newspaper from Rev. Lovejoy] 

  Marge : That's ridiculous. Homer's not dead. He's right out back in the hammock.

  [leading them to the back yard, they see the hammock is empty] 

  Ned Flanders : Oh, Marge, of course Homer's alive. He's alive in all our hearts.

  Maude Flanders : Yes, Marge. I can see him.

  Lisa : [skipping by]  Hi, everybody.

  Reverend Lovejoy : Marge, I'm gonna give you the card of our juvenile counselor.