The Simpsons (TV Series)

Mother Simpson (1995)

Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson

Quotes 

• [on being reunited with his grandmother] 

  Bart Simpson : Hey! You missed my entire childhood! You owe me for missed birthdays, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and good report cards.

  [punching numbers on a calculator] 

  Bart Simpson : Let's see, 75 bucks a pop, with interest and penalties. You owe me... $22,000.

  Homer : [enraged]  I'll Kwanzaa you!

  [starts strangling Bart] 

• Lisa : There's something fishy about Grandma. Whenever we ask her where she's been all this time, she changes the subject. And just now when a police car drove by, she ran into the house.

  Bart : Yeah, I don't trust her, either. When I was going through her purse, look what I found.

  Lisa : [flipping through a stack of driver's licenses]  "Mona Simpson. Mona Stevens. Martha Stewart. Penelope Olsen. Muddy Mae Suggins." These are the calling cards of a con artist.

• Marge : Mother Simpson, we'd like to ask you a few questions about your past.

  Mother Simpson : Can't reminisce. Sleeping.

  Bart : [she pretends to fall asleep]  Spill it, Muddy Mae, or we're calling the cops!

  Mother Simpson : Please don't.

  Lisa : All right, then we'll call your husband: Grandpa.

  Mother Simpson : No! I'll talk. I'll tell you everything.

• Bart : That dummy worked like a charm, dad.

• Bart : Where have you been, granny? They freeze you or something?

• Bart : Hey! Since you were a no-show at all the big moments of my life, you own me years of back presents! Christmases, birthdays, easters, kwanzaas, good report cards. Hmm, 75 bucks a pop plus interest and penalties. You own me... $22,000.

• Bart : Look at me, grandma. I'm a hippie. Peace, man. Groovy. Bomb vietnam! Four more years! Up with people.

• Bart : [muffled]  what the hell is going on here?

• Bart : What?

• Bart : [gasp]  Quick, grandma! Hide!