The Simpsons (TV Series)
Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious (1997)
Maggie Roswell: Shary Bobbins, Additional Voices
Quotes
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Shary Bobbins : Hello. I'm Sharry Bobbins.
Homer Simpson : [excited] Did you say Mary Pop...?
Shary Bobbins : No! I definitely did not! I'm an original creation, like Rickey Rouse and Monald Muck.
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Shary Bobbins : It's 8:00, children. Time for bed.
Lisa Simpson : But we're not sleepy.
Bart Simpson : Sing us a song, Shary Bobbins.
Lisa Simpson : Yes, sing us a song.
Shary Bobbins : I've been singing you songs all day. I'm not a bloody jukebox!
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Shary Bobbins : I do everything from changing diapers to telling stories.
Abe Simpson : Put me down for one of each!
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Groundskeeper Willie : Shary Bobbins and I were engaged to be wed back in the old country. Then she got her eyesight back. Suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for her.
Shary Bobbins : It's good to see you, Willie.
Groundskeeper Willie : [angry] That's not what you said the first time you saw me!
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Shary Bobbins : [singing] Wasted away again in Margaritaville.
Barney : [singing] Searching for my lost shaker of salt.
[spoken]
Barney : Oh, here it is.
[pours the salt into his mouth]
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Homer Simpson : Now, Ms. Bobbins, if you want this job, you're going to have to answer a few questions. First, do you have any bad habits?
Shary Bobbins : No. I'm practically perfect in every way.
Homer Simpson : Well, so am I.
[he boorishly drinks milk straight from the carton while scratching his butt, then belches]
Homer Simpson : Ah! Okay. Question two. Who was your last employer?
Shary Bobbins : Lord and Lady Huffington of Sussex.
Homer Simpson : [leaning over to Marge] Marge, do we know them?
Marge Simpson : No.
Homer Simpson : Come on. Isn't he the guy I bowl with? The black guy?
Marge Simpson : That's Carl.
Homer Simpson : Oh, yeah.
[to Shary]
Homer Simpson : So, you worked for Carl, eh?
Bart Simpson : I have a question. Pop quiz, hotshot. I'm supposed to be doing my homework, but you find me upstairs reading a "Playdude". What do you do? What do you do?
Shary Bobbins : I make you read every article in that magazine, including Norman Mailer's latest claptrap about his waning libido.
Homer Simpson : Ooh. She is tough.
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Shary Bobbins : The policeman on the beat/Needs some time to rest his feet.
Chief Wiggum : Fighting crime is not my cup of tea.
Shary Bobbins : And the clerk who runs the store/Can charge a little more/For meat.
Apu : For meat.
Shary Bobbins : And milk.
Apu : And milk.
Shary Bobbins , Apu : From 1984.
Shary Bobbins : If... you... cut every corner, you'll have more time for play
Homer Simpson , Marge Simpson , Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson , Shary Bobbins : It's the American way.
[as they leave Bart's room, Homer slams the door shut, and everything the kids put away spills back out]
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Shary Bobbins : All right, children. Let's clean up this room.
Bart Simpson : Oh, man!
Lisa Simpson : Do we have to?
Shary Bobbins : Now, now. I know a little secret that will make the job go twice as fast.
[singing to the melody of "Spoonful of Sugar"]
Shary Bobbins : If there's a task that must be done/Don't turn your tail and run/Don't pout, don't sob/Just do a half-assed job/If... you... cut every corner, it is really not so bad/Everybody does it, even Mom and Dad.
[outside, Homer dumps a used couch into Flanders' yard]
Shary Bobbins : If nobody sees it, then nobody gets mad.
Bart Simpson : It's the American way.
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Shary Bobbins : I believe my work here is done.
Marge Simpson : Thank you for everything.
Lisa Simpson , Bart Simpson : We'll miss you, Shary Bobbins.
Homer Simpson : You've changed me, as well. I'm no longer the money-driven workaholic I once was.
Shary Bobbins : I love you all.
[giving them a final wave and leaving]
Shary Bobbins : Oh! To think I'll never hear those sweet voices again.
Homer Simpson : [crashing through the front window, strangling Bart] Aw, you... you... you little...!
Shary Bobbins : Oh.
[heading back in, she sees Lisa aimlessly banging on a pot, and gasps upon seeing Maggie using a fire extinguisher to put out the front curtains and Marge shivering, with her hair falling out again]
Shary Bobbins : Oh, I'll just unpack my things.
Abe Simpson : [floating outside through the open door] I think we got our umbrellas switched! Whee! I never felt so alive!
[he begins snoring as he floats away]
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Shary Bobbins : [singing] In front of a tavern/Flat on his face/A boozehound named Barney/Is pleading his case.
Barney : Buy me a beer/Two bucks a glass/Come on, help me/I'm freezing my ass/Buy me a brandy/A snifter of wine/Who am I kidding?/I'll drink turpentine.
Moe : Move it, ya drunk/Or I'll blast your rear end.
Barney : I found two bucks.
Moe : Then come in, my friend.
Shary Bobbins : And so, let us leave/On this heartwarming scene.
Bart Simpson : [falling asleep] Can I be a boozehound?
Homer Simpson : Not 'til you're 15.
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Marge Simpson : Shary, you did the best you could, but you can't change this family, and neither can I. From now on, I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy the ride.
Shary Bobbins : But haven't I taught you people anything?
Homer Simpson : Nope.
Lisa Simpson : No.
Bart Simpson : Nope.
Marge Simpson : No.
Shary Bobbins : So you like it this way?
Homer Simpson : Indubitably!
[singing]
Homer Simpson : Around the house/I never lift a finger/As a husband and father, I'm sub-par/I'd rather drink a beer than win Father of the Year/I'm happy with things the way they are.
Lisa Simpson : I'm getting used to never getting noticed.
Bart Simpson : I'm stuck here 'til I can steal a car.
Marge Simpson : The house is still a mess/And I'm going bald from stress.
Marge Simpson , Homer Simpson , Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : But we're happy just the way we are!
Ned Flanders : They're not perfect, but the Lord says love thy neighbor.
Homer Simpson : Shut up, Flanders.
Ned Flanders : Okely-dokely-do.
Shary Bobbins : Don't think it's sour grapes/But you're all a bunch of apes/And so I must be leaving you.
Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : [watching her fly away] Goodbye, Shary Bobbins!
Marge Simpson : Thanks for everything!
Barney : So long, Superman!
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Homer Simpson : Shary Bobbins! I want another beer.
Shary Bobbins : Well, you know, Homer...
[singing]
Shary Bobbins : If there's a job that must be done/You'll find it's much more fun...
Homer Simpson : [interrupting] You'll find it's even *more* fun if *you* get it for *me*.
Shary Bobbins : [continuing] But the beer will taste more sweet/If you get up off your seat...
Bart Simpson : Lady, the man asked for a beer, not a song.
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Lisa Simpson : Oh, Shary Bobbins, this is ever so much fun.
Bart Simpson : With you, every day is Guy Fawkes Day!
Montgomery Burns : Bah, humbug.
Shary Bobbins : Oh, Mr. Burns, I think you'll find all life's problems just float away when you're flying a kite.
Montgomery Burns : Balderdash. This is the silliest load of... ooh! Look at it fly! Whee! Look at me, Smithers! I feel practically superduperfragicalicexpiala...
[storm clouds form and he's electrocuted by a bolt of lightning]
Montgomery Burns : do... ohhhh! Ooh. What's this strange sensation in my chest?
Waylon Smithers : [feeling his chest] I think your heart's beating again.
Montgomery Burns : Ooh. That takes me back. God bless you, Shary Bobbins.
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Shary Bobbins : Lisa, don't sit in front of that telly like a fly stuck on a toffee. It's a great big world out there.
Lisa Simpson : Been there, done it.
Shary Bobbins : I know! We could have a tea party on the ceiling.
Lisa Simpson : Shh. TV.
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Shary Bobbins : Bart Simpson, this room is a frightful mess.
Bart Simpson : [throwing cupcakes at the wall] I'll get right on it.
Shary Bobbins : Bart, don't you remember? Cleaning up can be a game.
Bart Simpson : I got a better game. It's called "whipping cupcakes."