Allan Melvin: Barney Hefner

Quotes 

• Archie Bunker : I wanna make sure I get my ten simoleons out of you when I win that bet. 'Cause your baby Linda ain't gonna win. She's too fat to win. In a few years time, she's gonna be a teenage bus.

  Barney Hefner : Well all I have to say is too bad it wasn't a baldy contest.

  Archie Bunker : You hear that, he's always on the baldy thing over here. You're gonna lose an old friend that way, Barney.

  Mike Stivic : That's competition for you: two best friends ready to bust each other in the chops over who's got the most beautiful grandchild.

  Barney Hefner : Hey, you know what just occured to me about little Joey? I mean since he's got those long, beautiful eyelashes? You should've entered him as a baldy girl.

  Mike Stivic : Hey. Watch what you're saying, that's my son.