Tell Me Who I Am (2019) User Reviews

What would you do?

[jackiee1970 · 9/10 · 18 October 2019]

This documentary film is profoundly moving and deeply thought provoking.

As the synopsis speaks to, and no doubt other reviews will, it is an absolutely extraordinary true story.

WARNING: major spoilers ahead!

It leaves you to wonder... what would you have done if you had been Marcus?

Would you have constructed the fantasy to save your twin from the truth and by proxy giving yourself a pseudo-reprieve you could grasp hold of also?

I'm sure there will be a divide between us all in that choice; some imagine they would go one way and some the other. I think if we are honest, we will never truly know how we would react in that extraordinary situation.

I could see things from both of the twin's sides. But my heart leans towards Marcus. He was still so young and didn't have the tools to give voice to that terrible story and handle the inevitable fall-out at that time.

But I know from my own experience that you can only repress those memories for so long. And one look at the deeper etched lines on Marcus' face tells me the toll that has taken on him. The immense burden he carries.

By the same token, Alex has had to live without the full truth of his childhood and I can imagine that has been quite a different, yet also heavy load to bear.

I can only hope that this unloading in front of the world has helped them both. This film has truly touched my soul.

To finish, I will say: after it was over, selfishly I wished for two things. One, that Alex would have said something like 'I'm so sorry that you have to live with those memories in your head' - though that might sound like survivors guilt in a strange way. And two, that I could have had just one hour alone with their mother and all those men. Enough said.

Affecting, distressing and moving

[agasi999 · 8/10 · 25 October 2019]

The best way to watch this is to see it without reading anything about it including any reviews. Its unsettling and deeply moving. My only criticism is that it feels a bit repetitive towards the middle portion and the pace slackened while they could have explored the history a bit more.

Powerful

[caliopejade · 8/10 · 25 October 2019]

This is like The Truman Show meets What's Eating Gilbert Grape, except it's real. The story is so sad but in some strange way still infused with beauty and love. The metaphors are the most powerful I have ever seen. I truly applaud the courage of these two brothers who started together, were torn apart, and finally made it back to each other despite the darkness they both experienced in their own way. Truly a work of art and a labor of love.

For those who doubt the story....

[dcottone · 10/10 · 31 October 2019]

First let me start by saying I loved the documentary, and found it both distburing and beautiful at the same time. There were some questions I was left with at the end but overall, I recommend it.

I was quite surprised though when I saw people in the reviews on here questioning if this could all even be real, or whether it was some sort of story the brothers put together. I've seen some mention of whether someone could wake up and only recognize one thing (in this case, his twin brother) but the fact remains that we actually know very little about the brain. We don't even know how many neurons are in the brain, and you'd think that would be a good starting point of something we'd know by now, but it's still uncertain. Strange things happen within the brain and just recently a woman in the UAE woke from a vegetative state after 28 years, she is now speaking in conversations and undergoing physical therapy. The fact remains that the brain is a mystery and how it exactly works is based a lot on theory, in fact there's an entire field called brain theory.

The second thing I saw criticized was the question of how a 14 year old boy could take a subway home and no one think anything was out of place (in 1978). And those who make this comment obviously have no understanding of British culture. As someone who lives in England I'm here to tell you if "minding your business" was an Olympic sport, the UK would win every year. People don't even like to look at each other on the subway here. So for a teenager to take the subway at home by himself in the late 70's and no one be concerned or question anything is totally believable to me, someone who currently lives in London.

I feel the people who are nit-picking are doing so because the story is just so remarkable perhaps. But the fact remains we know very little of the brain and how it heals itself after trauma. And that is a scary fact.

Incredibly moving

[elleelleelle · 10/10 · 24 October 2019]

Powerful, raw, painfully honest.

You can't underestimate the way that this documentary will act as a conversation starter and help others who have experienced similar things & to open up and discuss.

I find it astonishing that people (with hostility too-what, why?) are questioning whether this story is real or not. Have you been outside?

I work as a beautician and have several clients who have come to treat me as both a beauty therapist & a therapist (ask any hairdresser too, they'll tell you the same) and some of the revelations of abuse I've heard have been utterly harrowing but just as shocking to me is that they are not so uncommon.

One of the messages this documentary spoke to me was how important it is shift the shame from the victims to the abusers, where it belongs. I commend Marcus and Alex, your courage is truly moving, thank you!

For those who gave a low review because they don't believe...

[nathanchasewomack · 7/10 · 22 June 2021]

You have read plenty of reviews and synopsis' of the film. I'm just here to add that those with questions, do you know how an internet search works? I too had lots of questions because the filmmaker chose to put a laser focus on the twins' story. Never did I not believe them, but, like most who viewed the film I too had questions. It took one Joogle search to find soooooo much more that completed the story. More about their actual financial situation, learning disabilities, their "father", lots more insight regarding the mother as well as 2 unmentioned younger siblings. I appreciate the style the filmmaker used here, but it does leave out necessary information for the viewer to get a complete picture. After reading what I found I was relieved (this still makes me uncomfortable) that the Lewis twins are telling the truth & that my confidence in Marcus opening up and revealing what happened wasn't misplaced. A brutally painful picture that society needs to be more open to. 4 children had their lives forever traumatized. Idk about the siblings, but it seems as if the Lewis men have made a nice life for themselves and their own families. That brought some solace to the sorrow I felt about them. I hope the younger 2 are doing as well as Alex & Marcus.

Oh, and regarding the reviewer who said a child alone in the 70's riding a subway (tube) would attract attention....that person has never been on a subway. He questions why a conductor wouldn't have seen them. No subway on Earth has a conductor. Just the driver, who is locked safe in a steel cage. I mean, a conductor!? On a subway!? Seriously? And I'll add, living in NYC, you go into subway mode when you go down to the platform, it's an automatic defense mechanism (apathy sadly). You don't look around, you don't make eye contact, you mind your business. No one (if there was even another rider in his car) would have spoken out. Children in large cities know how to use public transport alone. Do you think NYC has buses? No, most kids have a free student pass and take public transport to school.

Absolutely incredible

[kennywheeler-84081 · 10/10 · 18 October 2019]

Probably the most poignant doc I've ever watched. To witness such selfless love in the face of such monstrous evil...It's hard to even put it into words. Do yourself a favor and watch it.

It's ok

[am-by · 6/10 · 10 December 2020]

Very shocking. I thought the brother who didnt lose his memory looked a lot more aged than the brother who did lose his. I wonder if it was from carrying those awful memories. The brother who lost his memory didnt seem to acknowledge or be fully aware the burden his brother carried.

Wow

[sismagilova · 10/10 · 19 October 2019]

I dont have much to say, everyone should watch this. I feel so much for these two. I just wanted to add in, critic reviews are absolute trash. One rated this a 50 out of 100. Seriously? Because you felt they should've given more info than they were comfortable to give? Get over yourself

Incredible story

[bastos · 7/10 · 7 October 2021]

Really good doc that tells the story of two twin brothers and the way both of them dealt with a very rare case of memory loss after one of them had an accident. Without spoiling some of the twists of their tale, let's just say it's a harrowing story that leaves you glued to your seat, just watching these two men talk. But, as some other people have mentioned, it's impossible not to doubt some of the details and, by the end, you have some questions that are left unanswered, which works against the movie. But the story is so captivating and is told in such an earnest and believable manner that it's impossible not to sympathize with both brothers. Very well done.

Life changing

[mariannehettinger · 10/10 · 17 October 2019]

I was able to watch this film without reading about it prior. It touched me to the core and I came out of the theatre a changed person. Very few films have ever had that effect on me. This film is relevant on so many levels. It will encourage people to be true to themselves and not keep dark secrets under wraps they suffered as children, often causing pain they carry for a lifetime and in many cases destroy lives - I commend the twins, Marcus and Alex Lewis in this wonderful doc for their bravery to come forward and share their lives' journeys with us. Beautiful job by director Ed Perkins who tells the story with so much integrity in a cinematic way. Even though shocking, this film is inspiring, empowering and will bring about change. Bravo!

I'm in two minds

[micheyns · 6/10 · 23 October 2019]

My first response to this movie was, like the vast majority of responses here, Wow! And I was genuinely moved. But then things started niggling at me, little, well, niggling questions. In the first place, of course, the whole set-up is highly artificial: the re-enacted 'showdown', the withheld information, the pretense that Alex doesn't know what Marcus is going to tell him (via video!). Okay, fair enough, nobody said this was happening in real time; but it does make one wonder what exactly a documentary is, if it doesn't contain any (or much) actual documentary footage. This is, in short, a re-enactment passing as a documentary. Fair enough. But there were still others, and, reading the review headed "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?', I found myself, yes, thinking. The reviewer objects to the notion that a mother could shop out her own sons; now, that, I must confess, I don't find implausible: the newspapers offer plenty of evidence that, alas, there's nothing that some parents won't do to their children. So I didn't have a problem with that. And I took on trust the notion of extremely selective amnesia, unusual as that seemed. But then: we are told that the father didn't know that his wife was on a regular basis carting off one of their sons to spend the night in an unnamed location with an unknown person, leaving the other son behind to say ..what? to this father. Really? And given that the two boys were forced to have sex with each other and with their mother in each other's company -- would they not have discussed this with each other? Like WTF's with Mom? But there's no mention of that, central as it surely would have been to the relationship of two pubescent boys under such circumstances. And all the unopened Xmas and birthday gifts: why? And which family and friends did they have on a gift-giving basis who didn't suspect something was wrong? Like, I wonder why Marcus and Alex never thank us for the presents? And why are the boys made to sleep in the barn? Wouldn't Mom have wanted her sex objects nearer at hand? And why decapitate a naked picture of the two boys? And hide the picture in a locked secret compartment, the key to which is, miraculously, found in a house that makes a haystack look tidy? And and and ... once you start asking questions it all seems, not just implausible but impossible. Alex can't remember his former girlfriend, but, we gather, has sex with her again without her noticing that he doesn't know who the hell she is. And Marcus escapes from his mother's artist-rapist friend, travelling on the Tube without a ticket 'as one could do in those days' -- well, no, one couldn't. He'd have had to jump a turnstile. But that's a minor detail. It's just that there are so many implausible details that you have to wonder, and once you start wondering. ... It all reminded me of *Patrick Melville*, which, ironically, is presented as fiction whereas it's apparently largely autobiographical. And I must confess that I found myself, yes, wondering whether the brothers hadn't also read Edmund St Aubyn ... an unworthy thought, no doubt, but an irresistible one. Ultimately, it seems wiser just to take this as a well-made mockumentary-cum-fictional-dysfunctional- family saga. As that, it works well. The central performances are excellent.

Heartbreaking and fascinating story. But not great documentary

[AskaP · 5/10 · 9 August 2020]

The story is fascinating. Both - just losing memory by Alex, and that his brother basically gave him all the memories, builded his past for him. And then - the fact that he actually removed all those bad things from the memories and created the good life, even if the reality was so different. It's fascinating on so many different levels. Yet the movie does not explore any of those. It just touches on a surface, without really going deeper into what it meant, for both of them. And then - when you have already learned that abuse happened in their childhood and that Marcus have covered it all up, feeling it will be better for Alex to never know - then you learn that until this day, the day of filming, Alex didn't have a chance to learn what this abuse actually meant. His brother gave him only one line: yes, mother abused us sexually- and that's it. Ok, so will we hear more now? And how the story goes now, it actually turns me into some sort of vulture. I am now waiting to hear all the details. They put the brothers together in front of the camera to finally talk. I feel weird. Will they share it now? In the 15 mins that's left? How? If this was so deep and bad, where is the space for the movie to walk me through those awful events, walk the brothers through this intense conversation, and still have time to shake those emotions away after? And then I am sort of relieved: oh, it seems that they prerecorded this testimony and only Alex will hear it, will watch it on his laptop and I will not actually witness it. Ok. But then - no. They actually show me Marcuses testimony. I am not sure if I should be listening. Ok, let's get ready, it will be heartbreaking, for him, and for me... And then - two sentences. And we are done. It's awfully short. But not because the director actually decided to respect their privacy. No, he already have exploited the scandalous story, and hey, 5 mins left till the movie has to end. Then the brothers hug. I very much see how the one who knew the truth all these years - was actually relieved that he finally told his brother everything. I see it. I am not sure if the director sees it. He doesn't give him time. Doesn't give me time. And the main character of this story - Alex, who has now learned that whole awful story - is left to the short "ok, ok, I needed it, ok, bye", movie ends. I felt like they were both exploited to share something so private, awful and scary that they couldn't share with each other for 30 years - and it was made to look almost trivial. There is so much in their story to explore. So many layers and levels. Yet the filmmaker had no idea what he really had. Seems like he cared about this "sex scandal to be revealed", without seeing people he was supposed to portray here.

For documentary lovers, but maybe not for mothers.

[lisainstyle · 10/10 · 23 October 2019]

I love documentaries and all things English, so I was attracted to this documentary immediately. The storyline of these brothers also tweaked my attention. Without telling too much...this is an extraordinary story and shot in such a way that makes it feel a bit like a spooky, foggy horror. It is not explicit but often blurry, with shots of the house and drive and trees, which bothered me at first but made sense in the end. I loved the cinematography. These 2 lovely twin brothers are so likeable...so honest about their feelings...I applaud them. As hard as it was to watch at times, I was sorry when it was over. I highly recommend this exceptional doc.

One of the most searingly intimate and painful documentaries you will ever see

[tristan-jakob-hoff · 10/10 · 11 October 2019]

This is the story of identical twins Alex and Marcus. In 1982, at the age of 18, Alex sustained a brain injury following a motorcycle accident, and suffered from total retrograde amnesia. He did not remember his own name, nor his parents, nor his life. All he knew was that Marcus was his brother. Painstakingly, Marcus helped Alex to reconstruct his memories - this is a kitchen, these are your friends, this is how you tie your shoelaces, this is your girlfriend. Alex trusted his brother absolutely - if Marcus said something, that automatically became Alex's truth.

But what if Marcus wasn't telling Alex everything? What if there was a part of their shared past Marcus thought Alex would be better off not knowing about? What if Marcus himself preferred to forget certain things, if only by proxy, and pretend like the picture of their lives he had meticulously constructed was the real deal? Now aged 54, the secrets that have haunted these twins' lives for 36 years are about to be uncovered - Marcus is finally ready to tell Alex everything. And watching him do so, in front of Ed Perkins's camera, is an astonishing and heartbreaking moment to witness. An immensely moving journey, but far from an easy one to accompany these two incredibly brave men on.

Horrifying, gripping & beautiful!

[freejoyhart · 23 October 2019]

This is a tale of two brothers told like no other! As I watched I couldn't imagine what was going to be revealed next! It seemed like the most intimate & secretive past was about to be finally spoken about & I had no idea what it was! And yet, as shocking as it was, there was something beautiful in it as well; both brothers playing a part in the reveal, no one to blame left alive, only the two of them in a room with the truth! This is a beautifully sensitive documentary! And it is proof that the truth WILL set you free!

The brother COMPLETELY forgot? Hmmm...

[dotmatrixx-31011 · 6/10 · 28 October 2019]

I wrote a sizable review and it got deleted so this is just a brief description of what I remember. Because trust me this film is forgettable. If I have to see another camera shot of rain pelting against a window pane for cinematic effect I'll die of boredom. This whole film just felt too scripted. Especially for a documentary. With the heavy subject matter, where is the evidence? Yeah it's tough on these men to reveal every heartbreaking tragic detail of their experience, well Marcus mainly, but to just assume that the viewer will completely believe what has happened to them simply because they're telling us feels like exactly what a "story" is all about. A story. A cleverly crafted story told with the intent to entertain. I'm not doubting something awful has happened here. But this is a documentary and we the viewers want rawness and truthfulness. This film will not deliver that. Instead you get great story telling about a life that sounds like a tale.

Oscar worthy

[da-awilcox · 10/10 · 1 November 2019]

Stumbled across this as I was looking for something I could listen to whole folding laundry. Was looking for something interesting, not obnoxious, intelligent at a minimum... Finished the film saying Oscar, Best Documentary Feature. Brilliantly directed and produced. Authentic and raw. Cannot overstate how incredible this film was. Must see.

Life

[kosmasp · 7/10 · 21 February 2020]

The main thing here, is the structure. Although very early on, things are layed out and the big reveal may not be as surprising to some as to others, it helps elevate the movie and what the twins had to go through. Something you do not wish upon your enemy.

This is quite the documentary and it will affect some people more than others. Real life stories, but not as in soap operas, even though they had adopted some of the story lines that happen to everyday people. Truth is stranger than fiction ... always. See certain politicians, which I won't name, not even the countries. Whichever one you think I mean, says something about you and/or the current situation - worldwide.

But back to the brothers who get a therapy session and getting to know them, you really are rooting for them and feel for them too

Gripping

[harveymoth · 10/10 · 19 October 2019]

If a documentary should do anything it should make you want to watch more. Genuinely saddening and also so evil, 100% worth a watch, one of the best documentaries I've ever watched

A truly sad story of parental abuse of boy twins

[killercharm · 7/10 · 27 February 2020]

A truly sad story of parental abuse of boy twins all of their young lives until, mercifully, both parents die and leave them the very home they were not allowed to live in but made to stay in the back yard shed. On top of that one twin goes into a coma after a motorcycle accident and awakens with amnesia. The other twin, not wanting to experience the horrors again, does not tell the amnesiac twin about the REAL horrors that were perpetrated on them by their mother, and then beats himself up for that, until he spills the beans in this movie. It's effective and emotive.

Gut-wrenching

[shannonchapel · 10/10 · 18 October 2019]

This is one of the most incredible stories I've ever heard. A heartbreaking film about love, loss, and self-sacrifice that will haunt you. Peace and blessings to you Marcus and Alex, and thank you for sharing your lives with us. 💔

Too slow

[kevinmojica · 6/10 · 10 December 2019]

Interesting story but they dragged it on for too long. It feels like they could have told the whole story in 30 minutes, but they wanted to make a movie out of it. The slowest movie I've ever seen.

subdued

[llnews · 5/10 · 20 October 2019]

Update - leif-38's review kind of explained all the puzzles I had. after all, what's the point of hiding amnesia away from friends?

It's an astonishing story. however, I'm not sure I agree with the director's deliberate choice of narrowing the narration angle. We still don't know who they are, as persons. I would be curious to know how the experience of a traumatic childhood and/or lacking the memory of the experience of the trauma is integrated into their personalities? and under what circumstance did that horrifying occurrence happen? how do the brothers feel about their relations to other people?

A Brutal and Harrowing trip down memory lane

[Agent10 · 10/10 · 19 December 2021]

The current world we live in is rife with lies. A simple website can make stuff up and call it "fact." A set up stunt that was never meant to hurt someone can be called a "prank." Racism and cruelty can be labeled as a "joke." People can alter videos and call these "proof." The times we live in is aided by technology and monetization, which gives people the motive to lie and destroy all threads of truth. This is why Tell Me Who I Am is so poignant and difficult to stomach.

Alex Lewis suffered a traumatic brain injury that would have sent most people spiraling. Instead, he had his twin brother Marcus, a trustworthy entity he knew would never lead him astray. Over the course of many years Alex reshapes his life and establishes a new relationship with his mother and his brother. But it is obvious something is eating away at Marcus, and it is such a disturbing and despicable secret that it will leave anyone breathless. Even if you had an idea about what it could possibly be, it was still shocking.

To hold the burden on such secrets, and to continue creating and expanding on lies shaped as "truth" must have been a heavy burden on Marcus. It's a perfect allegory for the human cost of what happens when our life narrative is twisted and deformed. A difficult story to stomach, but one worth watching.