The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Pancake Batter Anomaly (2008)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
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[Sheldon, obviously sick, orders soup in the restaurant where Penny is working]
Penny : Why didn't you just have soup at home?
Sheldon Cooper : Penny, I have an IQ of 187. Don't you imagine that if there were a way for me to have had soup at home, I would have thought of it?
Penny : You can have soup delivered.
Sheldon Cooper : I did not think of that.
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Howard Wolowitz : [on the phone with Leonard] Hang on, call waiting.
Leonard : No, don't, don't...
Howard Wolowitz : [switches over] Hello?
Sheldon Cooper : Howard, I'm sick.
Howard Wolowitz : Uh.
[imitating his mother]
Howard Wolowitz : Howard's sleeping, this is his mother. Why are you calling at this ungodly hour?
Sheldon Cooper : I need soup.
Howard Wolowitz : [still imitating his mother] Then call your own mother.
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Sheldon Cooper : Can you sing "Soft Kitty".
Penny : What?
Sheldon Cooper : My mom used to sing it to me when I was sick.
Penny : I'm sorry, honey, I don't know it.
Sheldon Cooper : I'll teach you. "Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr." Now you.
Penny : Soft kitty, warm kitty...
Sheldon Cooper : Little ball of fur. Keep rubbing.
Penny : [angry] Little ball of fur.
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Sheldon Cooper : If influenza was only contagious after symptoms appeared, it would have died out thousands of years ago. Somewhere between tool using and cave painting, homo habilis would have figured out to kill the guy with the runny nose.
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Sheldon Cooper : Wait.
[hands Leonard a measuring cup]
Sheldon Cooper : Put this in the bathroom.
Leonard : What for?
Sheldon Cooper : I need to measure my fluid intake and output to make sure my kidneys aren't shutting down.
Leonard : I mix pancake batter in this!
Sheldon Cooper : No, that measuring cup has always been for urine.
Leonard : You had time to make a label for everything in this apartment, including the label maker, but you didn't have ten seconds to make one that said urine cup?
Sheldon Cooper : It's right here on the bottom.
Leonard : Oh. I guess I owe the Betty Crocker company a letter of apology.
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[first lines]
Sheldon Cooper : Checkmate.
Leonard : Aaow! Again?
Sheldon Cooper : Obviously, you're not well-suited for three-dimensional chess. Perhaps three-dimensional Candy Land would be more your speed.
Leonard : Just reset the board.
Sheldon Cooper : It must be humbling to suck on so many different levels.
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Leonard : Alright, well, get some rest and drink plenty of fluids!
Sheldon Cooper : What else would I drink? Gasses? Solids? Ionized plasma?
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Sheldon Cooper : We have no idea what pathogen Typhoid Penny has introduced into our environment. And having never been to Nebraska, I'm fairly certain that I have no cornhusking antibodies.
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Leonard : How was Nebraska?
Penny : Oh, better than North Dakota.
[pause]
Penny : Guess that joke's only funny in Nebraska.
Sheldon Cooper : From the data at hand, you really can't draw that conclusion. All you can say with absolute certainty is that that joke is not funny here.
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[last lines]
Sheldon Cooper : Do you think Penny will come here and take care of us?
Leonard : I don't think Penny's ever coming here again.
Sheldon Cooper : I'm very congested.
Leonard : Yeah, so?
Sheldon Cooper : Could you go to the kitchen, and get me the turkey baster labelled mucous?
Leonard : If I stand, I'll vomit.
Sheldon Cooper : Under the sink, yellow Tupperware bowl.
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Leonard : What the hell are you doing?
Sheldon Cooper : I'm making Petri dishes to grow throat cultures.
Leonard : With lime Jello?
Sheldon Cooper : I need a growth medium, and *someone* polished off the apricot yogurt.
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Penny : You are a grown man. Haven't you ever been sick before?
Sheldon Cooper : Of course. But not by myself.
Penny : Really? Never?
Sheldon Cooper : Well, once, when I was fifteen and spending the summer at the Heidelberg Institute in Germany.
Penny : Studying abroad?
Sheldon Cooper : No, visiting professor. Anyway, the local cuisine was a little more sausage-based than I'm used to, and the result was an internal blitzkrieg, with my lower intestine playing the part of Czechoslovakia.
