The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation (2009)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mary : If you recall when you were little, we sat right here at this very spot and we talked about some of the problems you had getting along with the neighbor kids.

  Sheldon Cooper : That was different. They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that's why they hated me.

  Mary : Oh, baby, they knew very well why they hated you.

• Sheldon Cooper : I realize you're currently at the mercy of your primitive biological urges, but as you have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you, may I interrupt this one?

• Leonard Hofstadter : It was the only way to make him happy.

  Penny : Why did you have to make him happy?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Because when he wasn't happy, we wanted to kill him. There was even a plan! We were going to throw his Kindle outside and when he went to get it, lock the door and let him freeze to death.

  Sheldon Cooper : That seems like a bit of an overreaction!

  Leonard Hofstadter : No. The overreaction was the plan to tie your limbs to four different sled dog teams and yell "mush!"

• Penny : Soft kitty, warm kitty...

  Sheldon Cooper : That's for when I'm sick. Sad is not sick.

  Penny : Oh, sorry. I don't know your sad song.

  Sheldon Cooper : I don't have a sad song. I'm not a child.

• Mary : [Sheldon is about to take some food]  Ah ah! We pray in this house. This is not California, home of the heathen. Gimme.

  [Sheldon somewhat reluctantly puts down the food, wipes off his hand, then takes Mary's hand] 

  Mary : By His hand we are all...

  Sheldon Cooper : Fed.

  Mary : Give us, Lord, our daily...

  Sheldon Cooper : Bread.

  Mary : Know that we are truly...

  Sheldon Cooper : Grateful.

  Mary : For every cup and every...

  Sheldon Cooper : Plateful.

  Mary : Amen. Now that wasn't so bad, was it, Shelly?

• Sheldon Cooper : This is my home now. Thanks to you, my career is over and I'll spend the rest of my life here in Texas, trying to teach evolution to creationists.

  Mary : You watch your mouth, Shelly. Everyone's entitled to their opinion.

  Sheldon Cooper : Evolution isn't an opinion, it's fact.

  Mary : And that is your opinion.

  Sheldon Cooper : [to the others]  I forgive you. Let's go home.

  [leaves] 

  Mary : Don't tell me prayer doesn't work.

• Leonard Hofstadter : [Whispering]  Do not make a sound.

  Sheldon Cooper : Whispering "do not make a sound" is a sound.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Damn his Vulcan hearing!

• Sheldon Cooper : [to his "spot" on the couch]  Hello, old friend.

  [Sits down] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Daddy's home.

• Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, thank God we're home!

  Howard Wolowitz : I can't believe we spent three months in that frozen hell.

  Rajesh Koothrappali : It was like a snowy nightmare from which there was no awakening.

  Sheldon Cooper : I don't know what Arctic expedition you guys were on, but I thought it was a hoot and a half.

• Sheldon Cooper : I just want you both to know when I publish my findings, I won't forget your contributions.

  Howard Wolowitz : Grace.

  Sheldon Cooper : And of course, I can't mention you in my Nobel acceptance speech, but when I get around to writing my memoirs, you can expect a very effusive footnote, and perhaps a signed copy.

• Sheldon Cooper : Did Leonard know about this? Leonard's my best friend in the world. Surely, Leonard didn't know.

  Howard Wolowitz : Actually, it was his idea.

  Sheldon Cooper : Of course it was. The whole plan reeks of Leonard.

• Rajesh Koothrappali : [Whispering]  We have to tell him.

  Sheldon Cooper : Tell me what?

  Howard Wolowitz : Damn his Vulcan hearing.

• Sheldon Cooper : No, Mother, I could not feel your church group praying for my safety. The fact that I'm home safe does not prove that it worked. That logic is post hoc ergo propter hoc... No, I'm not sassing you in Eskimo talk.

• Sheldon Cooper : While I do not currently have a scathing retort, you check your email periodically for a doozy.

• Penny : You know, I do understand what you're going through.

  Sheldon Cooper : Really? Did you just have the Nobel prize in waitressing stolen from you?