- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [to the camera] Hello, my name is Zach Galifianakis and this is another edition of "Between Two Ferns", my guest today is "Ben Stickler."
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [to Ben] Is it Stickler, or Stiffer?
- Ben Stiller: It's Stiller.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [making a joke] Wouldn't it be cool if you'd change your last name to "there done that?"
- Ben Stiller: [Sarcastically] Yeah it would.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Do you get it?
- Ben Stiller: Yeah I get it, if I was from the south, you're from the south right?
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Yeah then it'd be better because it'd be "been there done that."
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Are you making fun of people from the south?
- Ben Stiller: Not at all.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Because people from there wouldn't like that, they're stupid enough to go to your fucking movies.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [looking at his notes] Bad start, what are the things that get on your nerves when people ask you to do in interviews because I thought it'd be cool to ask you to do the "blue steel look" from "Jewlander."
- Ben Stiller: [confused] From what?
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [intentionally insulting him] From Jewlander, blue steel look, do you do that a lot?
- Ben Stiller: You mean "Jew steel?"
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Is it "Jew steal?", they told me "blue steal", I haven't seen the movie "Jew steal", do the "Jew steal look" from "Blue lander."
- Ben Stiller: [intentionally insulting Zach and his show "Between Two Ferns"] It just feels to me a lot of the time that there's people doing so much, putting so much effort into producing a series or a show that hardly anybody is going to see, do you know what I mean?
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: What are you "impluging"? I don't even know what you're talking about?
- Ben Stiller: I'm here to talk about my new movie Greenberg.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [looking at his notes] So here is a clip from Greenberg.
- Ben Stiller: [after Zach plays an audio clip, sarcastically to Zach] Maybe next time you can get a video clip to show too, I think it'd make more sense.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: I thought about that.
- Ben Stiller: And then what?
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: It was just too much trouble.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [referring to the audio clip] It sounded like somebody opening a door, what was that sound?
- Ben Stiller: It sounded like a car door.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: There was a car in the movie?
- Ben Stiller: There was a car in the movie.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [sarcastically] Cool, what kind of car was it?
- Ben Stiller: [sensing his sarcasm, dismissing his question] I...? Whatever.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Cool.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: What movie in your career, if you don't mind me asking, and then I'll do mine, have you been in that you're not that crazy about what you've done.
- Ben Stiller: It's a movie called "Highway to Hell."
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Mine is "Night at the Museum 2."
- Ben Stiller: I thought you were referring to movies that we were actually in.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: No, movies that you've been in.
- Ben Stiller: It's too bad because Night at the Museum 3, they're casting that now and there's this role of a lighthouse attendant who's about four feet foot one, grumpy.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Can I be in it?
- Ben Stiller, Zach Galifianakis - Host: You can definitely read for it.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Do you want my email address?
- Ben Stiller: I'll have them get in touch with you.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [writing his email address on paper] Don't be put off by this email address, as I said before I knew...
- Ben Stiller: ok...
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [hands him the paper] Just email me here.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [referring to the movie] When is the shoot?
- Ben Stiller: [looking at the paper] This is your email address?
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Yeah I didn't even...
- Ben Stiller: [interrupts him] Your email address is BenStillerfaggot69@verizon.net?
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Yeah, BenStillerfaggot@verizon.net was already taken so I had to add 69 at the end.
- Ben Stiller: Ok, good.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: So you're a healthy eater, I like to eat healthy these days.
- Ben Stiller: Yeah.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: For breakfast I had...
- Ben Stiller: [interrupts him] Egg yellows?
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Two waffles and a pancake.
- Ben Stiller: Two waffles and a pancake?
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: [changing the topic] Do you ever wished that you followed your parents into comedy?
- Ben Stiller: [remains silent]
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Taking that comedy route?
- Ben Stiller: [taking off his microphone] Ok, I'm done.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: Are you going to the bathroom?
- Ben Stiller: No, I'm leaving.
- Ben Stiller: [standing up to leave] Thank you.
- Zach Galifianakis - Host: You're welcome.