What We Do in the Shadows (TV Series)

Pine Barrens (2022)

Matt Berry: Laszlo Cravensworth

Quotes 

• Nandor : All you ever do is lay about or tinkle on your piano or have sex with Nadja wherever and whenever you please!

  Lazslo Cravensworth : How is that an insult? Sounds to me like life goals achieved, me old fruit.

  Nandor : You take and you take and you take. You took the seat in the Honda Element that wasn't behind Sean's seat in the Honda Element, even though you know that Sean likes his seat in the Honda Element pushed right far back, and I have the longer legs!

• Lazslo Cravensworth : It's always sad when a Polish fellow gets cataracts.

• Nandor : We vampires do not hunt.

  Lazslo Cravensworth : Of course we fucking do. We hunt humans.

  Nandor : Does that count, though?

• Colin Robinson : Hey, Mr. Rinaldi, guess what?

  Sean Rinaldi : What?

  Colin Robinson : I don't believe the Jersey Devil is even real.

  Sean Rinaldi : All righty, then. I guess it's not my fault if he comes and eats you.

  Colin Robinson : Okay, well, if he's so real, then what does he look like?

  Sean Rinaldi : He's got dragon wings, and a half-goat horse face with a chinstrap beard like an Amish. And he's got hooves and horns, and two low-hanging balls with a button cock on top.

  Lazslo Cravensworth : [whispering]  Fantastic.

  Sean Rinaldi : And he creeps through the Pine Barrens, looking for little kids who don't believe in him.

• Lazslo Cravensworth : No, the Jersey Devil is not real.

  Nandor : It is just a myth that vampires made up to explain all the dead bodies that we leave in the woods.

  Lazslo Cravensworth : Sean may be my best friend, but like all humans, he doesn't realize when he's been fucking had.

  Nandor : Sean is your best friend?