The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Thanksgiving Decoupling (2013)
Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter
Quotes
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[first lines]
Leonard Hofstadter : The math is all there; it's not real
Penny : Yes, it is!
Sheldon Cooper : Yeah, uh, look. It is scientifically impossible for a person tip a cow. Even you with your stocky build and lumberjack shoulders, you couldn't do it.
Raj Koothrappali : It's horrible. Why would you push a cow over? They're sacred.
Penny : Oh, stop it. I've seen you eat a million hamburgers.
Raj Koothrappali : Hey, an animal can be both sacred and delicious.
Penny : I'm telling you I've done it, okay? I clearly remember the cow standing up and then the cow on its side.
Leonard Hofstadter : Were you drunk?
Penny : I was sixteen in Nebraska, what do you think?
Leonard Hofstadter : I think you're the one who fell over.
Penny : That would explain why the sky was also on its side.
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Leonard Hofstadter : How am I the bad guy? She the one who married someone else. I'm the victim.
Howard Wolowitz : Sounds like Zack's the victim. You're sleeping with his wife.
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Penny : Why are you making this such a big deal?
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, I have a reason. It could be because you said yes to marrying Zack, but every time Leonard's proposed he's gotten a resounding no. That's just off the top of my head.
Penny : How do I undo this?
Leonard Hofstadter : I'm just hoping you can get a annulment which is like it never happened.
Penny : Great. Well, what do I have to do?
Amy Farrah Fowler : It's says here you can get an annulment if any of the following conditions are met. Were you unable to consummate the marriage?
Sheldon Cooper : [Sheldon laughs] Penny? Next.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Is there any evidence of fraud, bigamy, want of understanding?
Penny : Want of understanding? What does that even mean?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!
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Penny : Sheldon, you can have a nice Thanksgiving anywhere. I spent one in Vegas.
Leonard Hofstadter : You did?
Penny : Yeah. Back when I we dating Zack. It was actually more fun than I thought. We gambled, went to one of those cheesy wedding chapels. We had a really good turkey dinner which was surprising since we were at a strip club.
Leonard Hofstadter : What? You went to a chapel?
Penny : Yeah.
Leonard Hofstadter : Why?
Penny : We had one those silly fake weddings.
Leonard Hofstadter : Penny, you know those are real, right?
Penny : [laughing it off] No, they're not.
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, they are.
Penny : [Looking worried] No, they're not.
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, they are.
Sheldon Cooper : He's right.
Amy Farrah Fowler : They're real.
Penny : [quietly] But it didn't feel real.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Why won't you sign it?
Zack Johnson : I just think splitting up can be rough on kids.
Penny : We don't have any kids!
Zack Johnson : Are you sure? Cause you didn't know we were married until this morning.
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Mr. Rostenkowski : I've kept a marriage together for 35 years. Can I weigh in here?
Leonard Hofstadter : Sure.
Mr. Rostenkowski : I'm trying to watch the game. Shut up.
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Leonard Hofstadter : It would actually be nice to not hear Sheldon complain about *my* cooking all day.
Sheldon Cooper : Yeah, uh, excuse me, but every year you prepare a terrible meal and every year I criticize it. Do our traditions mean nothing to you?
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Penny : Here.
[gives Howard a bottle]
Penny : Thank you for having us.
Howard Wolowitz : What's with you?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, she's mad at me because she just found out she's married to Zack.
Howard Wolowitz : Really? That dumb ass you used to date? That's,
[laughs]
Howard Wolowitz : that's hysterical.
Penny : [grabs bottle back] I can't believe I felt bad for opening this in the car.