alsation72 Reviews

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: Those Old Scientists (2023) Season 2, Episode 7

Dear writers ...

[3/10 · 31 October 2023]

The thing is, that when in the past a star trek series did some sort of crossover episode, it only worked because you had put the TIME and EFFORT into DEVELOPING characters that we loved and wanted to see more of. We CARED enough and as a result the gimmick or crossover WORKED. When you just chuck the elements of a crossover episode into a crew of characters we've barely seen (15 whole episodes), then it is trying to put the cart before the horse.

The 'dark mirror universe' version of the Voyager crew was fun because we felt like we knew and loved the ship and its crew ... but when Discovery did it almost straight away in its first season, we didn't know or particularly like these characters and subsequently just did not care. It was just an empty re-hash of an old idea. While this is a little more like Q2 or "trials and tribbilations", you are taking the lazy way out.

Please, writers ... send Captain Pike off to a strange new world for once. Give us something interesting and new that also lets us get to know these characters because Discovery has run its course and I couldn't care less about the sterile ship or unlikeable crew. No offense but I think you are killing star trek off.

Lost in Space: Three Little Birds (2021) Season 3, Episode 1

A slow, uneventful, disappointing mess

[1/10 · 11 December 2021]

Imagine having a budget this large, and doing absolutely nothing remarkable or original or fun in the writing. This whole thing has been a pointless bore! The actors are great, the effects are brilliant ... but the writers should hang their heads in shame for creating the most BORING, forgettable, humourless, cold series. I'm done with it: tired of waiting for something to improve.

Sequin in a Blue Room (2019)

An empty re-tread of 'Head On'

[1/10 · 24 July 2021]

A gay teenage school-child with no discernible personality (and perhaps the most inexplicably irresponsible parent committed to Australian film) meets multiple older sex partners on a phone app ostensibly identical to Grindr.

The story follows a weak and ill-defined story-line with characters so badly-drawn that you just do not care about what happens to them. The main character could have been played by a shop mannequin without anyone noticing, and I'm sure the sex scenes were supposed to be shocking, but they were really just mechanical and empty - like the rest of this mess.

When the only class-mate he ever talks to throughout the entire film comes into it early on, you know exactly how it is going to end. I almost couldn't believe it would end with that level of schmaltzy predictability, but it did. The ending seemed tacked on; as though it had come from another film.

The phone apps are a world of serious STD's and addiction that many never escape from, but here it is just skimmed over without depth or consequences. If the worst thing that ever happened to promiscuous gay teenagers was a black eye, I'd be far less worried about gay youth. This rubbish totally skims the surface so it can focus more on looking like a music video from the 90's.

It seems like a short story that never quite got fleshed out properly. A blue room and a sequin? So corny..

The Dead Don't Die (2019)

Uninspired lazy effort

[1/10 · 16 August 2020]

Its not scary, its not funny, its not memorable. Whatever they were going for did not eventuate into anything worth watching.

Bill Murray is not even putting enough effort in to be considered deadpan. His mere presence is an irritant, because he presumes he can just show up and his apparent disinterest in the project seems so arrogant it is unwatchable. The fish rots from the head down.

The non-distinct country song with the film's title played over and over again is another general irritant. No, it doesn't help create a dimension of reality but the makers seem so impressed with themselves.

Prank Encounters (2019–2021)

Why not just bring back Scare Tactics?

[7/10 · 24 April 2020]

Trying to bring together two people and two overly-complex stories over a whole episode does not work. It has many of the same actors/ stunt people are Scare Tactics, but rather than a simple setup and funny comments from Tracey Morgan or Shannen Doherty you have this obnoxious little brat pretending to co-ordinate things.

I don't know why people keep saying it is fake. It is really funny but takes too long to get to the punch-line and isn't as satisfying as ST when it does.

The Three Stooges (2012)

Brilliant slapstick, amazing performances

[9/10 · 30 March 2019]

I saw this on Netflix and thought it would be terrible ... funny for all the wrong reasons (I never saw any of the original Three Stooges and always thought they seemed annoying). But no it turned out to be the Farrelly brothers and it was really very good.

The cast is excellent, and the story moves along at a brisk pace with no gaps in logic or wasted momentum. I was laughing out loud at times and it was so unexpected. The main characters were just excellent , and the supporting cast were all very good in their parts. Pleasantly surprised!

Sex Tape (2014)

Wasted opportunity.

[5/10 · 23 March 2019]

This could have been so much better. The story-line is a little weak, and requires that the audience believe this couple was giving out iPads like they were business cards.

As a farce comedy along the lines of 'Horrible Bosses' or 'Hall Pass', the casting of Jason Segel was a terrible mistake. He seems sullen and miserable and utterly unconvincing in this role. Ashton Kutcher or Jason Sudeikis might have elevated the whole mood of the film and worked with Cameron Diaz with much better chemistry.

Seems very unfair that Diaz got a golden raspberry for worst actress; she was the saving grace of this poorly-written mess.

Love, Death & Robots: Lucky 13 (2019) Season 1, Episode 13

Loved every second of it!

[9/10 · 21 March 2019]

A simple story well told. I loved the idea that a simple drop-ship formed a bond with its own pilot ... a little like 'space-Herbie' . Amazing visually and the main character was well-acted and drew the viewer into the narrative. Brilliant, one of the best of this series!

Love, Death & Robots: Good Hunting (2019) Season 1, Episode 8

So beautiful to look at, this is moving art!

[9/10 · 17 March 2019]

I loved this one ... at first I didn't think it fit in with the rest of the collection , but it does. It looks amazing and the high-fantasy story is compelling enough that I kept checking the time left on the clip, regretting that it wasn't longer.

Love, Death & Robots: Helping Hand (2019) Season 1, Episode 11

Brutal, brilliant!

[9/10 · 17 March 2019]

Very enjoyable, clean and simple ... along the lines of 'Gravity'. I did not see it coming either ... holy crap. Amazing animation/CGI and voice artists!

Love, Death & Robots: Three Robots (2019) Season 1, Episode 2

Brilliant animation ... but a little corny

[4/10 · 17 March 2019]

Three very different robots with inexplicably human-like personalities, are tourists in a decimated American city. For some reason they don't know even the basic fundamental details about the biological functions of the beings they are so interested in (eating food and digesting it, for example). No details are given about how long ago the event occurred: human skeletons litter the streetscape yet a hamburger sits intact on the table of a diner.

The animation is brilliant, I just found the general story and 'hipness' of the robots very corny. The only indication about what happened to humans is the missile in its silo (unlaunched). Looks great, it just needed a better storyline!

The Orville: Primal Urges (2019) Season 2, Episode 2

A couple of notes ...

[8/10 · 8 January 2019]

The first thing I thought when I saw this was ... why did they send just ONE shuttle-craft down to evacuate the dying planet? Isaac and Bortus could've piloted one each and doubled the payload of evacuees !! That didn't make sense to me.

I loved Bortus' holo-sex addiction but it could have been played for far more comedic effect. The alien he bought the orgy scene from (why was a black-market chip needed simply to have a few extra characters anyway?) looked so fake , it was pulling a Lucas there.

Is Bortus turned off by the fact that Klyden was born female? Needed more on that.

Anyway I love this show, have seen every episode three times. Stop whining, how much did you pay to see it?

Love Actually (2003)

SO UNBELIEVABLY CORNY

[1/10 · 18 December 2018]

Several superficial and poorly written soap-opera story lines that had me cringing the entire time. It has dated so badly that the corn has just festered and moldered into something almost unwatchable.

The little kid whose mother has just died yet he has a crush on some girl from his school. The ugly Portuguese maid who is inexplicably hired as home help for an English guy despite not speaking a word of English. Et cetera ... the stories are so incredibly one-dimensional.

Clearly this is designed to hit a very mainstream audience and little else. Pure corn.

Open Slather (2015)

About as funny as a dead puppy.

[1/10 · 24 May 2015]

Any advertising for this sketch show clearly seemed to imply that it was going to be a contemporary version of 'Big Girl's Blouse' : i.e. Jane Turner, Magda Szubanski and Gina Riley. (and to some extent Marg Downey)

Not so much. Its like they are sprinkled here and there to prop up what is otherwise a very average and lackluster comedy show. The writing really lets it down, there seems to be zero spontaneity or improv and the players are treading through scripts that might have seemed okay to the writers trying to come up with something, but the ideas were not 'big' or clever enough to carry the whole sketch.

Glenn Robins was an embarrassment in a sketch about 'Dad - dancing' that felt flat, the skit about the weather forecast was just awful. I felt ripped-off when Magda, Jane and Gina made the very odd appearance because it should have been all about them with the others supporting them!

The end, where facebook messages to Domino's pizza while footage of desperate refugees played was the only slightly honest and astute observation I noticed, but it was as depressing as it was out of place.

Gawd ... where'd they find the writers? Go and find some open mic'ers maybe give some fresh perspectives a go!

Good Will Hunting (1997)

Unbelievably overrated.

[16 August 2014]

Putting aside the tiresome word-play in the title, the main character seems anything but 'good' ... he just seems like a smug, arrogant little pr*ck! He's almost insufferable as he poses for close-ups under perfect lighting and blows puffs of smoke in the direction of the camera.

We know he's clever because he does mathematical formulas on the bathroom mirror in a bar ... yawn.

It seems highly unlikely that a college professor would have any influence on a courtroom's judgement. To me it was an unlikely and rather weak plot twist.

He is then trotted before an array of therapists whom he tries his best to irritate ... why? If he's so clever why would he harm his chance of being kept out of jail; it makes no sense whatsoever. Just for the sake of having an attitude problem that can be unfurled in the course of the story... does this make it edgy?

Then he comes across Robin Williams' character and, gee ... do you think they'll end up as friends who change each others lives in some profound way? Gosh I just don't know.

Following is a parade of over-the-top dramatics and character evaluations that really become tiresome as everyone's sob story unfolds.

It skips across academic topics like the synopsis of a "for dummies" book: the most basic snippets of knowledge thrown in here and there. "Next week we'll be talking about Freud ...", oh please! Was it the first day of Psyche 101?

Why was Affleck's character sitting in some sort of job interview? So random. The chemistry between Damon and Minnie Driver was non-existent. Williams and Driver were good in this, but with such a dismal script ... they did what they could.

I don't think this film has aged very well at all, and I'm truly baffled about why this amateurish dramatic for the sake of it production has been so overrated.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

A soulless mess absolutely devoid of charm.

[3/10 · 17 May 2014]

Dreary to look at and utterly devoid of the charm and warmth that made the 1971 film an enduring classic. Because of the iconic original we know what is coming in the storyline, but the delivery is so lacklustre that it ends up as unsatisfying.

The musical numbers are more annoying than entertaining, and none are memorable in the slightest. It would have served this film to drop the musicality altogether rather than serve up this slop.

Why are all the oompa loompa's identical clones of one creepy, ugly man?

Johnny Depp ... hmm. He looks like a dark-haired Sharon Stone and totally lacks the humour and warmth that Gene Wilder brought to the role. He is trying too hard to be 'kooky' and it is just annoying. The whole back-story of Wonka's dentist father was silly and unnecessary.

You can't really fault any of the actors, who do the best they can under bad direction. Such a shame.

Dreary, hollow and unsatisfying. See the 1971 film it is far superior!

The Walking Dead: A (2014) Season 4, Episode 16

Cann anyone spell ...

[6/10 · 3 April 2014]

Cannibals?

I reckon terminus is a group of cannibals calling fresh meat to themselves. I can't believe no one else has mentioned or theorized this.

Of course I may be completely wrong.

Nice to finally hear Michonne's back-story but sorry if I found the prison flashbacks a little dull and regressive. I find - and have for a while - Rick's son to be kind of bratty.

Okay is that enough lines ?

No it wasn't so I'll just try to ramble on a little more when I've really made my point about the cannibals thing. I do think that season 4 has been great, really liked it now that they got out of that boring prison and the even more boring Governor is gone!

I Love You Phillip Morris (2009)

Despite interesting subject matter it does not engage.

[2/10 · 11 February 2014]

This film was oddly disengaging. Try as I might I just couldn't 'like' the main characters nor care what they went through. I feel more sorry for the real guy locked up for life when child molesters often get released only to re-offend.

Jim Carrey looked way too old to be playing a thirty year-old. I'm not sure how old he really is but boy, here with that bad dyed hair he looks about 60. His depiction of the main character is just awful; like a hyper-active schoolboy with no clear motives. It was just a direction-less, awful, hollow performance from him and he looked awful. He is past his use-by; neither funny enough for slapstick nor good enough for anything remotely serious.

I did not believe for one moment that there was any 'love' between the two leads at all. Zero chemistry, zero believability and an almost insulting and simplistic straight-man's idea about what it means to be gay. I didn't believe the 'love' part ... what was to love in that cardboard character of Phillip Morris? The 'love' part was the main plot device and it just wasn't evident or believable here.

It seems the makers went full-tilt for a comedic angle here but more substance was needed to engage the audience. Prison life is made out to be so simple and easy, 'love' is just there with no questions asked.

I wanted to like this, but it was a forgettable and empty mess; there's far more depth to be found in simply researching the story online. This movie does no justice at all to the real story.

Bernie with Jack Black and Shirley MacLaine was a far better example of a quirky crime case made into a film. Avoid this one like the plague, its an insult to gay people and the audience's intelligence.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Sound of Her Voice (1998) Season 6, Episode 25

A Great episode ... but ...

[8/10 · 30 January 2014]

The USS Defiant receives a distress call from a Starfleet captain stranded on an alien world after her ship has been destroyed. She's stranded on a Class L world (inhospitable to human life). Its also surrounded by a strange energy field. The old mystery force-field bit.

The stranded Captain Cusak asks that they keep a constant conversation going with her to keep her alert and to make her feel less isolated, and naturally they all make friends with her because she's a great person.

A strange energy field that surrounds the planet is finally punctured and its has time-shifting (temporal) properties. Anyone else notice that the previous episode had a very similar premise with Molly? DS9 tends to do that.

On the planet they find the long-decomposed remains of Cusak's body deep in a cave, having been dead for about three years. They were communicating through time; mmm k.

The thing that really annoyed me was that here was a starfleet captain, dead only three years ... and the team that happens to discover her remains take it upon themselves to conduct a funeral??? Seriously??

Did they try to contact her friends and family at all? Truly strange.

The Quark/ Odo hi-jinx is hardly worth a mention. But besides the ridiculously self-important funeral they conducted it was a good episode! If not a little sad.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Valiant (1998) Season 6, Episode 22

One of the better DS9 episodes.

[8/10 · 24 January 2014]

In this episode we are introduced to the first 'Defiant-class' ship that isn't the Defiant itself. (May stand corrected there?). I must admit I never 'loved' the design: it just looks like a flattened transporter to me.

The ship has been commandeered by very young 'red guard' star-fleet cadets after the senior officers all died. Haven't seen that happen on a ship before ... even the 'Equinox' crew survived mostly.

It is quite a sad episode, but its nice to get off the station and get a glimpse at some new characters and 'normal' star-fleet.

The action sequences are very good in this episode too!

Due Date (2010)

A silly, unfunny, amateurish abomination.

[1/10 · 13 January 2014]

Apparently Zac Galafinakis is so unbelievably hilarious the director thought he could just point a camera at him and the magic would happen.

It didn't!

Robert Downey Jnr should have smelled this from a mile off. What is he doing here? Isn't he a little old to be playing an expectant father?

Of course to drive a story forward they had to get this odd couple into proximity with each other but here this is so contrived.

This is - as others have said - a far inferior version of 'planes, trains and automobiles'. RIP John Candy, sorry they tried so clumsily to emulate one of your best roles in this abomination!

Scumbus (2012)

Sorry guys but , wow.

[3/10 · 8 December 2013]

I'm sorry guys but, gosh, the plot devices were a little vague, some did not make any sense at all.

The movie just takes place in a silly little universe of its own, but the aesthetic created here doesn't make you want to stay. Its messy and a little convoluted about what's going on at any one particular time.

I did not particularly find Glenn Robbins to be overly funny, when the punchline is a mere mention of a tranny , watch out. Ed Kavalee has a natural glowing comedy presence here. It was that annoying partner trying too hard to emulate a 'Hot Fuzz' vibe that just drowns him out though. The annoying guy, ugh, the plot, ugh ...

So (just for me) Kavalee and Shelton stood out as genuine scene- stealers, the script needed to be run past someone who would be brutally honest, and the casting misfired with almost every character. On such a tight budget these crucial matters need extra attention.

This could have been a really fun, honest piece but the sense is that its trying so very hard to be liked and emulate other things, like 'Hot Fuzz' for example. Its grabbing at disparate elements but doesn't grab an audience.

Instead this is so indistinct. Where are they? Why would there be a caravan there? What are they doing in the caravan? For the life of me I couldn't quite kinda tell you.

The collaboration between these two particular writers was not so successful. They needed a third party to swoop in and really give it a going-over to make sure the plot devices that carry it forward are clear and make sense. Otherwise, what a waste of money!

Passengers (2008)

Dreary, unconvincing, muddled ... and does not engage.

[2/10 · 29 November 2013]

Anne Hathaway does not convince anyone as a psychotherapist, and the romance that develops with the all-too-handsome patient/victim seems so formulaic.

Hathaway does not carry the film as someone like, say, Jodie Foster might have. Handsome guy lacks charisma.

I was very disappointed about the lack of an action sequence actually depicting the air crash. So they are arguing and deliberating about something we never get to see, so you really feel disconnected from it.

Fearless with Jeff Bridges, Rosie Perez and Isabella Rossellini is a far more rewarding experience in this niche. Vastly superior.

Here there is a lot being said but it does not engage the viewer or draw them in. Sorry to say this but I consider it virtually unwatchable.

Then ... *SPOILER*

It turns into the Sixth Sense (again - far superior option). But by now you really don't care because the preceding events were so dull and drawn out and vague that you don't really care that they were all ghosts the whole time.

Never heard of this until it hit free-to-air in late 2013, not that surprised.

Who on Earth green-lit this stinker?

The Walking Dead: Dead Weight (2013) Season 4, Episode 7

Predictably the unpredictable "Governor" is back.

[3/10 · 29 November 2013]

The Governor as a character ... sorry he makes no sense to me. What are his motives? He is just as likely to kill someone as help them and its tedious. There needs to be some level of consistency. What's his back story? Is he psychotic for any reason?

Totally unconvinced that he could just stumble around with zombies falling behind him for no particular reason. Just a few episodes ago that young, upbeat couple had been killed collecting fruit, but the governor just swishes his shoulder to th side a little and that gets rid of them. Sorry not buying it.

Still its nice to get away from that dreary jail and that stupid flu and the ever-serious Rick. I wonder what Carol's doing?

Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Dauphin (1989) Season 2, Episode 10

An embarrassing episode

[2/10 · 18 November 2013]

A girl is being transported to a warring planet. Apparently her appearance will stop the fighting. Never really explained, only in very abstract terms.

She has a very strict older woman as an entourage. In the privacy of their room she turns into first a younger woman, then an embarrassing fake teddy bear alien thing. FTW?

Wesley gets a crush on the 'Dauphin' and goes around the ship asking everyone how to get laid.

The caretaker goes berserk over an ill person in sick bay (she wants him killed because the risk is too great) and the old lady turns into a larger furry alien; no less embarrassing than the small furry thing.

Worf has a limp wrist as he struggles with the beast, obviously they were holding a pose before the camera rolled. Worf will never seem tough again.

While the shape-shifting caretaker is confined to quarters, the Dauphin goes on a long boring date.

The climax occurs when the caretaker catches the Dauphin and Wesley talking in a room, triggering off the 'Chewbacca on acid' creature again for no apparent reason.

The Dauphin then turns into a square-shouldered fuzzy alien thing. This is getting humiliating. The costumes look like they were knocked up by school children.

The caretaker says she has to separate from the Dauphin, to a moon orbiting the warring planet that is the girl's destination. Seems like that would be more dangerous than talking to a boy ... but anyway.

Wesley is annoyed that the girl had been 'lying' by taking on a pretty girl's form. Wesley comes round and says goodbye on friendly terms, she turns into a sparkly ethereal form and is transported to the planet.

Could this be the worst episode of season 2?