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Teeth (2007)
Well....
I didn't care much for this film. I do see that this film was marked as a "comedy", but the only comedy I found was the over-the-top acting. There were many pointless scenes, disturbing moments, and things that I can't even explain without sounding crazy. I do like the creativity...I say that a lot, but at least they wanted to try something different. Of course, the idea of a young girl with teeth in her...womanly area...isn't a story meant for an Oscar or anything like that, it was still an attempt at something different for viewers. I appreciate what they were all trying to do, but if they had more effort and more commitment to the story, it would have turned it a whole lot better. I didn't care for it, though, but maybe you will. I would skip this movie, but if you're into those gruesome movies, then rent it.
Scooby-Doo (2002)
Could have been better, but not dreadful
I'm still not sure what to think of this movie. I saw it as a kid and liked it, because 1.) It was Scooby-Doo. What child did not like Scooby-Doo? 2.) It had funny moments that were bound to make kids laugh. And it did. 3.) It was memorable. When it came out on video, I immediately wanted it because I remembered everything about how much I enjoyed it. Being older now, my appreciation has decreased for this movie. The acting is OK, it doesn't commit too well to the original cartoon, and, despite being kids humor, I didn't find it that funny. But why is it that deep down, my childhood heart is telling me that I still like this movie? I guess there are a few reasons. All right, I admit I do chuckle at some parts, although I said before I didn't find it that funny. And I also like the creativity they put in it. I really liked the ideas of the monsters and what they do. And although the CGI isn't spectacular, it was still the beginning of the CGI reign, so they at least gave it a shot. I also remember seeing it in the the theaters, and Scooby's first appearance made the entire theater cheer. It was the first time seeing him on the big screen. He might not have been a cartoon, but it was still that great Dane kids knew and loved. So, overall, I guess it's a guilty pleasure. It'll keep kids entertained, so I recommend it as a movie rent for a weekend.
Mr. Bean's Holiday (2007)
Cute, Quirky, but has its flaws
Ahh, Mr. Bean. He is one of the kings of British humor. I remember having an old series of episodes of him and watching them over and over and laughing at his ridiculousness. That was a long time ago. When I found out this movie was made, I was actually a bit excited. I wanted to see Mr. Bean on the big screen. Overall, I liked it. I didn't love it, I didn't bow before it, I didn't cry tears of happiness. I liked it. There are some funny moments. But this movie had some things that really seemed to bother me. 1.) Too many subtitles! I know he's in France and all, but I know many kids who have seen this movie. Not all kids can read very well. And there aren't just a few subtitles here and there, they are common in this movie! 2.) Common Sense lost I know it's a comedy movie, but some people's common sense in this film really annoyed me. I don't want to go into detail, but there were many things scenes where common sense should have happened....but it didn't.
Anyway, I liked this film. I would rent it. It's a good summer film, too. So, enjoy it during your summer vacation.
Spy Kids (2001)
Not a masterpiece, but definitely some creativity
I remember seeing this as a kid and really enjoying it. I really wanted to be a spy like these kids. It was pretty funny for a movie directed at kids, too. Was it a favorite of mine? No. Classic Disney movies still had the leash on me. A little while ago I saw this movie again. It didn't give me the thrills it gave me when I was a kid, of course, but I still enjoyed some parts of it. No. It's not a GREAT film. But you can definitely see effort. There was definitely creativity and effort put in this film to get a laugh, to push the story forward, to give characters different quirks and personalities. Even some of the gadgets were pretty cool (like the world's smallest camera and the bubble gum.) Overall, it's a pretty harmless film. You can show it to your kids and they'll most likely enjoy it. The sequels slowly got worse, but if your kids are REALLY into this movie and are just pleading to see the sequels, just show them the second one. The third one was pretty bad, and the upcoming fourth one just seems...well, I'm not going to say anything since I've only seen the trailer, but I don't think I would want to spend money to see it. Sorry. Got off track there. Overall, this movie is worth a rent. It's a good movie to show to your kids on a weekend or something.
Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)
Admire the Beauty.
This is probably one of my favorite movies of all time. It's beautifully done. The characters are memorable, the story is unique, and there are so many breathtaking moments. I find it to be an amazing movie.
What do so many people have against it?
I know there are some moments where it does not commit to the original book, but what film does? The Harry Potter series do not commit one hundred percent to the books, because then we would have freaking long movies! It's the same case with this one.
And apparently people were outraged with Chinese actors playing Japanese characters? What about British and American actors? British actors hide their accent to have an American voice and vice versa, and do we start an outrage over that?
People shouldn't dislike this movie for silly reasons like that. Just watch it for the beauty it possesses and maybe you'll see why it is such a fantastic movie. Give it a chance. Watch Li Gong's performance, watch Sayuri's dance scene, listen to the flawless music. Trust me. You'll see why it's so incredible.
A Troll in Central Park (1994)
No...just...no
Whatever happened to the masterpieces Don Bluth gave us? Secret of NIMH, hello? Of course, not ALL of his movies had to be like Secret of NIMH...but at least have the wonderful vibe. Is that vibe in this movie? Not even a little.
I cannot believe I watched this movie as a kid. Why do people like this movie? I can't bear watching it! It's horribly written (I think Bluth got help from a few five-year olds to write the script.), there is no good moral, and it is sometimes confusing!
Before you rate this comment negatively, let me explain the thing that gets to me most about this movie...
"Why is the moral so bad?" There were actually two "morals" in this atrocity. One of them was "If you dream, good things will happen"
...I understand that it's something for the kids, but when you think about it, that is NOT a good moral. You cannot just DREAM to get an A on the test, to have a steady relationship, or get a good job...you have to EARN it! I know that sounds a little over-the-top, but think! A kid can't dream to have a puppy. Your kid is going to be pretty disappointed if he dreams and he gets no puppy.
The second "moral"? Well, when we meet Gus, he's a kid who just wants quality time with his dad. But he's always busy, so he always complains that he never wants to do what he wants to do. After all the chaos he went through, what does he teach the children watching this movie?
"Dad...maybe we can do what I want to do?"
Let it sink in. It may not sound so bad at first, but like the other moral, when you think about it, it's not good at all. Kids need to learn that they can't always get what they want and that their parents have to work to pay for their food and their house. Again, that sounds over-the-top, but again, think.
Avoid this movie, especially if you're looking for something for the kids.
Titanic - La leggenda continua (2000)
I don't want to believe this movie exists...
I first heard about this movie from the Nostalgia Critic's hilarious review...and I had to witness bits and pieces of the movie. I knew it was bad by the looks of it from a fifteen-minute review, but I wasn't fully convinced. This movie COULDN'T be as bad as A Troll in Central Park, right?? Boy, was I proved wrong.
This is the biggest piece of garbage I have ever seen in my life. Seriously. I know a lot of bad movies out there, but this is just ridiculous. It tops them all.
Reasons why this movie is the worst: 1.) Animation: Animators (if you can even call them that) were lazy, high, or eight-year olds in art class. Animation is sloppy and repeats OVER AND OVER. How could the director watch over the film and think "Ohhhh boy, this is going to be great!". I mean, seriously, I've seen Beavis and Butthead have prettier artwork than this.
2.) Rip-Offs Galore: This is a good drinking game. Whenever you spot a rip-off of another film in this movie, take a drink. You'll be passed out halfway through the film, I assure you. The film's most noticeable rip-offs are Cinderella, 101 Dalmations, An American Tail, and even the James Cameron Titanic movie. It's disgusting to point out "Seen it." until you're ready to claw someone's eyes out.
3.) Voice Acting: Lack of everything. I rest my case.
4.) The Horror of the Rapping Dog: I think everyone who watched this part of the film were APPALLED by this. A Big Lipped Alligator Moment nonetheless, but it is still extremely unnecessary. They try to make it so it's fun for everyone, but really, it's a pain in the ass to sit through. Who thought it would be a freaking good idea to toss in a dog with a jersey singing music that won't exist in decades?! I would like to meet this wise guy and give him the rest of the money he needs to get back to school, to learn that rap music did NOT exist in 1912.
5.) Happily Ever After?!: A lot of people REALLY hate this, and I hate this. The ending is happily ever after.......like in fairy tales...THEY FORGOT TO MENTION THE 1500 PEOPLE THAT DROWNED AND FROZE TO DEATH! A lot of people say that this movie's for kids and that it should end happy, but i think even KIDS know about how many people died on the Titanic! I knew it when I was five or something like that! They made it look like everyone survived (except the singer, who was an idiot and kept singing while everyone was escaping.....) and even DOLPHINS saved the talking animals. For crying out loud, the Titanic isn't a fantasy, it's BASED ON A REAL-LIFE TRAGIC EVENT! It was like they thought it came out of a fairytale book and wanted to redo it so it can be happier and crap.
Avoid this movie at all costs. Unless you like to watch movies that will give you headaches and begin to question humanity in this world, then knock yourself out. But other than those people, don't waste your time. 73 minutes will be wasted from you if you dare watch this.
The end.
The Pebble and the Penguin (1995)
Overall....
Don Bluth made some wonderful films (Secret of NIMH, Land Before Time, An American Tail, just to name a few.) But as he went on with success, he suddenly tossed out some really STRANGE films. And I'm talking strange. These films are Rock-A-Doodle, Thumbelina, A Troll in Central Park, and Pebble and the Penguin.
So, Pebble and the Penguin is what we're looking over today. If it's apart of the "Strange" family, then we're gonna be in some trouble.
PatP is about a penguin named Hubie, who is in love with the penguin Marina. He wants to propose to her, but the evil penguin Drake wants Marina for his own. Hubie finds a beautiful stone that he can use to propose to Marina. But Drake almost kills him and Hubie sails away on an iceberg where he meets Rocko, a tough penguin who constantly tries to escape the S.S Misery. The two penguins manage to escape, form a friendship, endure some enemies here and there, and finally get back to Antartica to save Marina from marrying Drake. That's the plot, ladies and gentlemen.
What do I think of it? I was watching it the other day, and every twenty minutes or so, I would just stop the movie and change it to something else. I couldn't take it. I don't know what it really was at first, was it the voice acting? The annoying characters? The plot? I couldn't put my finger on it, but as I turned it on again, and after about fifteen minutes, I turned it off...I figured it out.
The MUSIC.
The first song is practically NEVER-ENDING, and you just keep asking yourself "Are they still SINGING?" The second song is boring, can't capture the rhythm of anything, and is even a bit obnoxious. The third song, sung by the penguins on the S.S Misery, is just disgusting...and I'm being nice when I call it disgusting. Really. Listen to the song and see how you react. It's badly sung to the point of wanting to rip your ears out. I think the only song I could tolerate was "Don't Make Me Laugh", sung by Drake...and well, I think I know why: because it's Tim Curry. And Tim Curry seems to steal the show often with song. It's because he's an AMAZING singer. I have to ask how he agreed to do this film, though...maybe to show us that he can take a bad movie and make it better with that song.
I also highly dislike the main character. I understand they're taking a clumsy guy and turning him strong, but seriously, this GUY is annoying! And he also lies, too. Every kid wants to look up to a liar, right? There are also a bazillion things never explained. For example, how on EARTH can Hubie suddenly see what Marina is doing with his pebble? Is it suddenly a crystal ball? It's never explained! If they said something like "Oh, this is a magic pebble that acts like a crystal ball." then I would leave this alone, but it just sort of...happens! There were FEW parts I enjoyed...like the part where Rocko is strangling Hubie.
Overall....a movie that is slightly below average, with terrible music (except Tim Curry's song!!), and many things NEVER EXPLAINED. I think kids will like it, but that's it. Kids. This film was made for kids, so they don't have to point out the big mistakes in this movie. If you're older than about seven, you won't like this film.