mysteriouselkdog Reviews

Wild at Heart (1990)

Wizard of Oz, Elvis Singing, "weird on top" why???

[6/10 · 23 May 2005]

This movie was a mess. It had some good aspects, but for the most part it was just kind of stupid. I didn't like the wizard of oz parts in the movie, they seemed totally out of place. The worst wizard of oz tie in was when Nick Cage gets beat up at the end (totally random) and the good witch starts talking to him up in the sky. The girls mother was totally psycho, made me uncomfortable when she was in scenes because she screams a lot and makes you cringe. This movie is almost comedic in how dumb parts are. Like when Nick Cage is in that club jumping around kicking the air and going crazy, it made me laugh and reminded me of the scene in Ace Ventura. Probably my least favorite aspect of this movie is when Nick Cage starts singing for no reason. At the end I think he sings an Elvis song or something, it's so dumb it makes me irritated to watch it. Oh yeah this movie has one of the worst lines ever, "This whole world's wild at heart and weird on top." I really wish they would have left that line out of the movie like David Lynch originally did (I watched the extras and found out the author asked him to put it in). Probably my favorite aspect of the movie was Willem Dafoe and the Duck sounding guy. Willem Dafoe plays a creep so well in this movie. I love the bank robbery part of the movie it was great. I might have given this movie a 7 if not for the Elvis singing and good witch at the end.

Hero (2002)

gave me a headache, makes me want to vomit, I hate this movie

[1/10 · 18 June 2004]

This movie seriously gave me a headache. I watched part of it a while ago and thought what I saw was pretty cool. I was interrupted and had to view the rest at a later time. Well, I don't know if I've ever seen such a frustrating repetitive movie like this ever. How many times can I watch these overly dramatic scenes where people are looking off in opposite directions talking to each other? Then they have these fight scenes where everyone is floating in slow motion gliding towards their opponent. The story was like Rashomon, but I disliked that movie as well. UGhh... I can't even describe my disgust for this movie and how it wasted my time. Sure it looked "OK" but I've seen tons of movies that looked way better. Screw that... it didn't even look good. BOOO this movie sucks.

21 Grams (2003)

Ehh, the acting was good... that's about it

[6/10 · 6 May 2004]

The acting was good in this movie. Basically all the main characters were impressive, but what I wasn't impressed with was the story. I thought it was ok, but the way it was told made me wanting to turn off the movie. You figure out the connections between the characters pretty quickly and for the rest of the movie your watching the characters meet each other. I didn't see any new developments coming after a certain point and I would have been just as satisfied if I turned the movie off halfway through. The ending monologue was good, but it took too long to get to and by that point I had already made my judgement of the movie. Great job Sean, Naomi and Benicio, wish the acting had a story that interested me along with it.

Big Fish (2003)

brutal to watch, boring, unamazed with stories

[2 May 2004]

Man, I found this movie very brutal to watch. Some of the scenes dragged on forever and I was more annoyed with the old guy's stories than his son was. I don't know if I would have kept watching it if I was watching alone. I wasn't amazed by anything that happened. I suppose if I had experienced what Edward Bloom experienced I would be amazed, but this movie fails to amaze me with its stories. I actually did turn it off before it was over, when his son was doing the monologue at the end and fish jumped out of the water I couldn't stand it anymore I frantically searched for the remote controller and pressed the stop button like ten times. It was so goody good teeheee twoshoes I couldn't stand it. I give it a 3/10.

La Dolce Vita (1960)

Couldn't finish the movie, Anita Ekberg is gorgeous, cannot recommend.

[12 February 2004]

Man, I couldn't get through this movie. I was watching a dvd I ordered through ebay. I never saw the movie before and bought it based on recommendations. The dvd was like seven dollars so I figured I might as well buy it instead of going and renting a vhs. The dvd first of all is of horrible quality. The image is jerky and blurry, but I've enjoyed movies with worse quality that this. I watched it for about an hour and found myself immensely irritated by the lack of anything interesting going on. Anita Ekberg is gorgeous of course, but that's not enough to keep me watching a movie. A problem I'm also facing with this one, but not as bad, is having to read the subtitles. I watched 8-1/2 on the criterion dvd collection which was way better in quality, but that movie was very tough to follow. I've never seen subtitles go by so quickly. They were so quick I found that I couldn't even bring my eyes to the picture without another subtitle popping up to distract me. Often I found myself rewinding it because I took a sip of pop and missed three lines of speech. I like to absorb the images on screen and when I am reading more than watching it really takes me out of the movie experience. Too bad dubbing almost always sucks though (can't recall if the dvd even had dubbing). I suppose I don't really have the right to comment on this movie considering I didn't finish it, but if I'm unable to finish a movie I cannot recommend it.

Happiness (1998)

SHOCKING! Disgusting! Disturbing! Well acted.

[19 November 2003]

OH MY GOD! That was my reaction at the end of this movie. I couldn't believe how disturbing and shocking this movie was. I thought I had seen some movies with disturbing content, but I don't think I've ever seen anything this disturbing. Some of the scenes were very uncomfortable to watch. I was by myself and I felt like fastforwarding through some scenes. When I'm by myself I'll see a lot of nudity sex and cursing in movies and I don't even notice it. But this movie doesn't even have much cursing and barely any nudity and it was very disturbing. I guess it was a combination of very good acting and taboo subjects. I found the conversations with the boy and his father the hardest to watch just because that doesn't seem like anything a father should say to his son. And there are several masterbation scenes which you don't really want to see. I know almost everyone masterbates, but I don't care to see cum in motion pictures. OH GOD! The last scene in the movie I was laughing and simultaneously disgusted! You think Stifler drinking the beer with it in it is bad and the famous scene from Something about Mary was bad, but I think the last scene in this movie is worse! UGHHH! I don't know if I can place a number to rate this movie. The acting was good and I wanted to see how the movie ended, but I don't know if I can recommmend a movie I can barely watch myself. It was interesting I suppose, but some of the dialogue was brutally slow. There would be talking then long pauses between the characters. I would have liked to have seen more of a conclusion of what happened to the pedofile physchiatrist if he went to jail or if the kids father beat him up or killed him. I think Philip Seymour Hoffman was the best in this movie. I think he's one of the best actors of our time and I hope he gets roles in many future movies. Ok after reading this if you aren't scared away then I recommend this movie. What the hell I'll give it a rating 6.5/10.

An Evening with Kevin Smith (2002 Video)

Hilarious Speaker

[7 November 2003]

Man I never thought that a two DVD set of college speeches would be so entertaining. I liked some of Kevin Smith's movies so I decided to rent this and I really liked it a lot. I think the story about the Superman script and Jon Peters was the funniest part about it. The second he said that Jon Peters produced Wild Wild West I started laughing really hard because of... well you have to watch it. It was just funny hearing about the weird people in the industry and his personal stories.

The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

Bad finale to a series with good potential.

[7 November 2003]

I wasn't too dissapointed with this movie because I went in expecting it to be as good as it was. I knew this movie wouldn't be what I wanted it to be. There are so many problems with this movie. Some of the scenes were painful to watch because they were ridiculous. I can't think of anything to say. I suppose the best summary of this movie would be that it's a complete mess. This movie could have been much better than it was, I don't know why they decided ....ughh... I can't even talk... this movie was so horrible... how did they go from The Matrix to this garbage. I was dissapointed with Matrix Reloaded, but compared to this it was great. I think everything went horribly wrong about 3/4 into the second movie and all the way to the end of this one. The fight scenes weren't good in this one either. The action was too insane and too prolonged and too repetitive. I can't remember how many times I saw people being punched into concrete walls. The action in this movie is like watching DragonBall Z, people fly and punch each other in mid-air and throw each other into the ground causing huge bomb like explosions. I don't know if there was a climax in this movie I think half of it is non-stop action. There is only so much action an audience can enjoy. At one point the audience started clapping when the machines invading the docks were taken out by an EMP blast, but the audience wasn't expecting that a minute later the action would try to build up again. They just kept on trying and trying and trying to build up to one exciting moment that never happened. I am reminded of Armageddon where in that movie they kept on throwing more and more problems on top of others that have been solved. I don't recommend this movie and I am annoyed that the filmmakers and actors involved are going to get a load of money from us. Even if a lot of people hate this movie they're still going to buy the third DVD just to have the complete trilogy.

Seize the Day (1986)

Seriously the worst movie I've ever seen.

[7 November 2003]

A lot of people throw around comments like "WORST MOVIE EVER" and "GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME", but I'm dead serious in saying this is my least favorite movie of all time. If I wasn't watching this at someone else's house then I would have turned it off pretty fast. But I actually watched the entire movie. I was in pain the entire viewing, to sum it up Robin Williams gets screwed over by everyone and he cries at the end. That's all that happens! THAT'S IT! The movie doesn't give you the feeling that anything happening could happen. It's so unbelievable how much the characters lack feeling for Robin Williams. It seems unrealistic to me. Can people be that incredibly cold and stern? I suppose it's possible. What angers me is that this is a movie. I go to the movies to see an enjoyable flick that leaves me changed or at least in a good mood. The only thing this movie changed was the worst movie I've ever seen. I believe the movie before this that was the worst movie of all time was Outlaw Prophet that was at least funny in it's crappiness, but this is just depressing. This movie also took the top spot from Pollock as the most depressing movie of all time. Don't watch this movie at all. Don't watch it even to see if I am right about it being the worst movie of all time. STAY AWAY! Don't DO IT! NOOOOOOO! (j/k)

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

I've never seen a movie like this before.

[14 October 2003]

Before watching this the preview for the film made me doubt that it would be any good. Uma Thurman wearing a Bruce Lee suit as a hero? I just couldn't imagine Uma Thurman being an action star I suppose. Well after watching it I've never quite seen a movie like this. The cinematography alone was worth the price of admission. This movie has very bright colors and excellent camera angles. Every scene in the movie has been burnt into my memory. Some more than others, but I know I won't forget this movie any time in the future. The fight scenes were great, I've never seen a movie so ridiculously bloody (that weren't animes). I was laughing every time I saw a limb cut off followed by a fire hose amount of blood squirting everywhere. It was like watching a live action anime. Some of the scenes were just so great like the scene where Lucy Lui has the bosses gathered around the table and she cuts the insolent one's head off. I liked all the scenes with Sonny Chiba they were great. And of course the ending battle was outstanding. I'm glad the rope jumping was kept to a minimal, it always bothered me in other movies. I don't care if some people didn't like it everyone has their own opinion.