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The Little Things (2021)
Wut
I signed into this account after like 7 years of not using it to say that I'm shocked this even got a 6.3. I understood the psychological aspect of it, with Ramis character being so wrapped up in figuring out the murders that he loses it and then denzel covers up ~the situation~ and puts Ramis mind at ease because he went through the same thing or whatever, but other than that I saw no point to this movie. It moves sooo slow and there's not really a peak that keeps you enticed. I was checked out about halfway through. Leaving the theatre crossed my mind and if I wasn't on a date I would have. After the movie was over it turned out my date didn't like it either and was equally as confused as me. I was the one who wanted to see the film and it sucked so much that I bought him dinner afterwards because I felt bad he spent money on it. 3 stars for Jared Letos acting
The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence) (2015)
Sadly, sadly bad
I was scrolling through netflix trying to find a movie to pass the time on a dreary afternoon and to my surprise found THC3 and was wild with excitement. I was a fan of the first two just because of how twisted they were, and after hearing Six say that this was going to be the most gruesome yet, I was very eager to see it. What a disappointment.
I made it through the first 17 minutes before I got incredibly irritated with Dieter Laser screaming all of his lines (seriously, everyone who's said that that's all he does is not lying. he LITERALLY screams ALL of his lines) and I started to just fast- forward to all of the gore/torture/death scenes to see what was in store. huge huge letdown. They're few and far between and they're total crap. There's little to no gore and they're very under- dramatic, if you consider that a thing. In my opinion, part of a good torture/death scene is the pain and suffering of the victim and there is just none of that. These people must have botched pain receptors.
This whole movie is a mess and a failure. I hate to say that because i really love Tom Six, but this should have never happened. It's like he spread the word that there would be a third movie and when it came time to start filming he was like "damn, i really don't even feel like doing this anymore" and he just let it go and let whatever happen. There probably wasn't even a solid script and everything was likely done in one take, whether it was satisfactory or not. Everyone involved just wanted it to be over. I hope to see another film come from the beautifully disturbed mind of Tom Six but for the love of god, please no more human centipedes.
Deliver Us from Evil (2014)
You've probably already seen this
Have you seen the exorcist, the conjuring, the devil inside, or any other possession/paranormal movie? Then you've already seen this. It's all of those, plus whatever else you want to add to the list, rolled up into what is "Deliver us from Evil." It's not necessarily a bad movie, but it is far from original, and the clichés could kill someone.
The origin of where the demon/point of possession came from is really weak, and it's done in about ten minutes in one scene where officer Sarchie is reviewing footage that one of the soldiers (now possessed) filmed when they were overseas. Some soldiers stumble into a cave, find some writing on a wall, and bam they come home possessed. That's about all we get.
I have a ton of unanswered questions too. What was the point of the dude painting the writing on the wall in the lion exhibit? And why was he painting over it? Actually, what was the point of the writing being painted anywhere when it just got painted over anyways? What was the point of the scene with the crazy lady crawling out of her cell? I know they have to show HOW she got out, but why did she have the keys in her mouth? And after she's out, she has no point in the movie whatsoever. We see her briefly in the elevator just as a scare tactic and in the next scene shes in, she dies. There is no reason for her being in the second half of the movie. Why is the possessed guy making everyone kill themselves? What's up with the animal sacrifices? What happens to the guy in the basement after he attacks Sarchie and he's exorcised by Mendoza in about 3 minutes? I could go on and on.
Lastly, The Doors reference. At first I thought it was kind of clever, until it's played during the exorcism at the end and it is just so silly. It's off-putting and it takes away all the seriousness of whats going on. It's only a small tidbit of the movie but I felt I had to say something.
I think people take things that are based on true events and run with it. Just because something is based on real life situations doesn't make it original, at least not in this case. This is basically The Devil Inside or The Exorcism of Emily Rose or any damn possession movie you can think of with "based on true events" attached to it and a different story line. If you're interested in seeing it, it's worth a few bucks to rent. There's some worthy gore scenes. But definitely don't spend money at a theater for it, it's nothing new.
Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)
No.
I'm so glad I wasn't the only person who thinks that this movie is on the brink of an epic failure. What did I just watch? It is such a clusterf*ck of so many things, you're not even sure what dimension you're in.
The first thing that will become clear to you is how awful the script is. I don't think any effort at all was put into writing it. 77% of the time someone opened their mouth, I wanted to slit my own throat.
"You don't have a warrant to search this property" "...My face is the warrant"
^That is an actual line from this movie. I could not make that up. And it's supposed to be taken seriously. Also;
"I'm not here to help you find your daughter, you're here to help me find my girlfriend"
Really dude? I'm so sure that the entire time you're battling alien robot dogs, you're girlfriends dad is thinking "I GOTTA help this guy get his girlfriend back, so they can live happily ever after" and not "Holy sh*t, I NEED TO SAVE MY F*CKIN DAUGHTER"
There's a scene later on in the movie where wahlberg comes crashing down on some guys car, COMPLETELY destroying it, and yes, although this guy just avoided death by inches, this other guy miraculously fell out of the sky onto his car, the city around him is in shambles, there GIANT F*CKING ROBOTS battling all around him thus further destroying the city, he says to wahlberg "You better have insurance!" Take me now, Jesus.
The ONLY character I enjoyed (other than Mark Wahlberg because you could tell he was trying to make this disaster work) was T.J. Miller's character, Lucas. He pulled off being an idiot pretty well. Don't get me wrong, his lines were no better than anyone else's, but he was pretty much the only person who fit the character he/she was given. Nicola Peltz, who plays Wahlberg's daughter Tessa, is clearly there for the sexual enticement, is she a wholesome country girl or is she trying to be the next big name playboy model? Titus Welliver, the dude who comes to their house trying to arrest them or whatevs, is he an FBI agent or is he the rejected Anderson from the matrix? But the person with the biggest identity crisis is Tessa's boyfriend, Shane. Is he irish? Is he trying to be Seth Rogen? Is he a bad ass? Or is he a whiny little pansy? The world may never know.
This movie is basically a cinematic magazine/supermarket ad. I remember the brands of food and clothing that were thrown in my face more than what this movie was actually even about. Which I guess is kind of the point, so good job with that.
While we're somewhat on the subject of the plot, you don't know what it is, until like the last 40 minutes. If you even want to call it a plot. Suddenly, all within about 10 minutes, you learn the autobots are trying to retrieve this nuke-type bomb that will turn an entire city into the metal they're made from so they can build more and take over the world, and the humans must prevent them from doing so. Why didn't someone just say that in the first place and save the first hour and a half of complete nonsense?
That being said, You can save yourself some time in the beginning by looking up a quick synopsis of about the first hour and a half of the movie, and then fast forwarding to where said synopsis leaves off. You wont miss a whole lot. This movie was way too long. I checked the time at what was 8:20 and almost shed a tear because I still had an hour and a half left to sit through. I considered walking out and waiting for my boyfriend in the lobby, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I checked the time three times after that, praying it would be closer to the end than it seemed to be.
I'm giving this a 4 for Wahlberg actually trying (most of the time) and the visuals, mostly at the end. If you just fast forward to the last hour or so, it might be worth your time. Other than that, don't bother unless you're a fan of the franchise as a whole.
Neighbors (2014)
Better than I thought it'd be, but definitely some flaws
This movie made me laugh much more than I thought it would. My hopes went down a little when the opening scene is Mac (Seth Rogen) and Kelly (Rose Byrne) trying to have sex but can't get their daughter to stop looking at them. And then it was one joke after another about how neither of them came, which was just really awkward. But it got better. Kind of.
There's some laughable moments (that weren't already in the trailers) and I thought Rose Byrne did a good job, I had her in my mind as the mom from Insidious so I was weary on whether she'd be funny or not, but she wasn't bad.
There are a few things that kind of ruined the movie for me and things that just don't make sense, like the party at the end with copious amounts of weed. One thing that's brought up in the movie and actually used against the frat house is the fact that they're broke and have no money, so where they got money to get pounds and pounds of weed, who knows. They literally take handfuls and throw it into burning barrels. And something that kind of ruined the whole movie for me was when Scoonie (aka McLovin from superbad) is, like, dancing/hopping away from Ike Barinholtz (jimmy) and he says "yolo" in a melodious manner. Out of all of the things they could have refrained from using it could have been that stupid term, but of course they had to stick it in there.
But, it is a college based movie, and with that comes sex and cum jokes,everything centered around partying and beer, and overuse of the "F" word. I read in another review that it would have been funnier if they would have made the parents actually responsible grown-ups, and I completely agree. They party just as hard as the college kids and they're insanely irresponsible and childish, which makes the whole premise of the movie kind of hard to believe.
Overall it's not the worst. It's worth seeing, maybe not in theaters for $10 but worth renting or redboxing or something.
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013)
I would give it the lowest negative rating if that was possible
I, of course, checked IMDb before watching this and wondered why it only had a 6.6 because I hadn't heard anything about it from anyone. But I thought eh, 6.6 isn't THAT bad so I gave it a chance. This should have been my answer as to why I waited this long to finally watch it. This is the only time I've disagreed with a rating. I can't believe it even reached a 6.6, and it has caused me to lose faith in movie lovers/IMDb users everywhere.I went on to read older reviews and discovered it was once at 7.3. Then I really started losing faith in humanity.
This is truly one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I've seen a lot of bad movies, but none stand out as much as Anchorman 2, probably because the first one was so good so I was expecting so much, and for that I can only blame myself. I will never trust a sequel again. Whoever thought of making and releasing this movie was clearly hurting financially and just needed to make quick money off of the title because they knew people we're going to spend money to see it. They have successfully robbed millions of people.
It got to a point where I was more interested in what people in the background were doing rather than what the actual characters were doing because everything got so ridiculous that I was doing anything I could to keep my eyes and my mind off of the monstrosity that was unfolding. I chuckled maybe three times the entire movie, and not because something was funny, but because it was one of those things that is so stupid you laugh out of embarrassment and sympathy that someone would try to make something so stupid, so funny. Where you just stare at the screen, utterly confused, mouth hanging half open, brows furrowed, trying to understand what you just saw.
Every, single, actor and their characters are beyond obnoxious. They took things waaaay too far. There's a scene with David Koechner's character, Champ, who is doing a news story and the entire scene is literally just him yelling "whammy" over and over and over. And Steve Carell's character, Brick...just wow. He was great in the first one but this time he's taken way over the edge. Take his role in the first movie and times it by a thousand, and trust me, it is not good. The only time he talks normally is when he's talking to that weird girl Chani, but every other line of his is screamed. And the scenes between him and Chani are painfully awkward. I know they're supposed to be awkward because they're clearly both mentally challenged, but it's far from a funny awkward. It is UNCOMFORTABLY awkward. I wanted to close my eyes and pretend they weren't even happening. I had to keep reminding myself that it was only a movie and thankfully this never actually happened in real life.
Remember, the reason this movie was so bad is because the first one was so good. This movie might be funny to you if you haven't seen the first one. But if you have seen the first, this one will ruin it for you and you will regret it. Please, do not waste your time or your precious positive thoughts about the first movie.
With all of this being said, everyone sees that one movie during their IMDb career and goes on to write a review saying "this movie is the reason IMDb needs to have the zero out of ten choice" and I'm afraid I have reached that point, via this movie. It needs to be taken off of shelves everywhere so no one ever has to see this atrocity. I'm going to make it a point to contact all of my friends and family who might consider seeing this movie and warn them that it will be one of the worst decisions they might ever make.
Oculus (2013)
where are people getting "brilliant" from?
Woah, what? This movie is not brilliant nor is it refreshing. "I'm going to prove so-and-so isn't a murderer and that it was a ghost or other paranormal entity" or whatever has been done how many times? Whoever is calling this brilliant, refreshing, or original must be getting paid do so. There is nothing refreshing or original about a haunted house or object being brought into someone's home and starting to mess with their heads and turning them into murderers.
This movie takes soooooo long to get going, if it even does that, and it is so boring. Every scene that seemed like something was about to happen, I was like "sweet Jesus, this is finally about to take off" but it didn't. And it never really does. It was hard to get into a scene (or the movie itself for that matter) because it constantly went back and forth between stories, cutting you off from anything you were starting to feel or expect.
There's really no character development at all. Any characters you were supposed to feel bad for towards/at the end were made impossible because they all seem without feelings. The two couples in the movie, the mother and father and then Kaylie and her fiancé, Michael, seem like they're just existing together as opposed to being in love. Especially Kaylie and Michael. You see the guy, like, twice throughout the entire movie and when you do it's them having an awkward conversation and then giving each other a quick peck and a hurried "love you, bye" and that's it. They aren't convincing at all and you can't even tell any of them have any kind of relationship with each other.
I'm giving this a three only because it's not the worst movie I've ever seen, but it's definitely not good. I don't know why it's labeled a horror when it is far from that. I'd lean more towards suspense or maybe a thriller, but it's the usual "somethings going to jump from around that corner" or "there's going to be someone standing there when they turn around" which makes it predictable and unsurprising. I liked that they eyes of the dead were a shiny white rather than the usual all black, and Annalise Basso, who plays a young Kaylie, does a really good job, but that's it. Let some more people see it and rate it and I'm sure it'll drop below a seven. I was already surprised it was above that. Do not spend money to go see this, by any means. Maybe rent it if you're bored and just want to see what it's all about, but do not spend $10 at the theater on it.
Side note: Karen Gillan totally sucks in this movie. She tries way too hard to be, I don't know, something. I don't even know what she's trying to do or be. I hated her immediately and wanted to punch her in the face the whole time. That is all.
Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
I can't think of a word good enough to describe this
The first thing I said to my boyfriend when the movie ended is "I'm almost positive this is going to make the top 250." And the first thing I did when I left the theater was look it up, and there it was, the rating of 8.3 making it (unofficially) in the top 250.
Do not be put off by The First Avenger, for Winter Soldier blows it out of the water. It's riveting from start to finish. Both old and new characters alike are woven perfectly into the film, some we never even considered twice. There's just the right amount of dialogue between action scenes to entice you, but not bore you. And fear not, the action is plentiful, exciting, and executed wonderfully. Very satisfying.
I wish I had to more to say about this, but I really don't what else TO say other than that this movie is fabulous. And in my opinion, this is the sexiest and most bad-ass Scarlett Johansson has been in any of the Marvel movies. I thought she was trying a bit too hard in the other ones to be mysterious but knowledgeable while still trying to be sexy, but couldn't quite get it and came off a bit dull and uninteresting. But as far as Winter Soldier goes, Natasha Romanoff definitely just became my woman crush. This movie is a must see, if not a must own.
Need for Speed (2014)
I'm not even sure why I'm giving this a four. Really.
Oh boy. Where to even start.
I suppose that first off I had way better expectations because I was a HUGE fan of Aaron Paul in Breaking Bad, considering it one of the most brilliant shows I have ever seen. I was let down. Thankfully, he wasn't the worst actor in this film. Every single other person was.
This is the first film I've seen that Imogen Poots had a lead role in, and I will probably never see one again. There were a couple of parts that I had hope for her, but it only lasted a few seconds until I was questioning if this was the first film she's ever been in. I was also unimpressed by Kid Cudi (Scott Mescudi)'s performance. He is one of my all time favorite music artists and that is definitely what he should stick to, music. I guess it's not really his fault that the script was so awful and he was required to recite "joke" after "joke" that they were trying SO HARD to make funny (failed immensely), but I figured he'd have the balls to say "I'm not reading this crap on camera." As far as the other actors and actresses, it would be a waste of my time to even say anything about them, because it is nothing good. I don't even want to get started on Michael Keaton's washed-up performance.
The entire movie flip flops between emotional scenes (which are anything but) and action scenes. None of this flows at all. The scenes where you're supposed to feel some kind of connection between characters does not succeed. Nothing builds you up to them and they're all really awkward and you will feel no differently about anyone or anything going on in the film. The action scenes seem like they were thought up last minute and felt very rushed. It was like they had a five minute time limit on each one or else someone was going to murder their family.
I guess one positive thing was the visuals, which were alright. That's probably where this movie is getting rated anything above a seven, it's from the gear heads (no offense to anybody.) There were some pretty bad ass cars that were nice to look at and some of the action scenes were done nicely (looked nice) aside from feeling hurried.
To wrap this up, this is one of the cheesiest and most predictable movies I have ever seen. I called everything that was going to happen in almost every scene because it's been done hundreds of times in hundreds of films, all executed in the same way. I'm still not sure why the synopsis starts with "fresh from prison" because how prison affected his life is touched nowhere in the movie. I know that isn't a big deal but for some reason that just bugs me.
If you must see this movie, make sure someone else is paying or you have a free rental up for grabs from your local video store.