Review of The Tomb

The Tomb (2007 Video)
1/10
One of the worst films ever made..
30 November 2010
Warning: Spoilers
Wow. It's honestly difficult to find the words to describe this "thing" . I wouldn't even call it a movie to be honest, so I guess "thing" is more appropriate. The majority of it involves terrible actors, with an even worse director (Uli Lommel) , and seemingly, his team of monkeys, in creating what is an hour and 20 minutes of confusion and boredom.

However, I have to mentioned that can't review the whole thing because I turned it off after roughly an hour of constant face-palming and painful boredom.

The plot , even though I didn't quite understand what was going on, revolved around a deranged killer known as "The Puppet Master", as he traps his victims inside what looks like a grocery store and subjects them to his terrible wit, stupid laugh and "8 nails.. who fails" every 15 minutes. The characters (I can't remember their names, nor do I care) just walked/badly limped around the grocery store asking questions to others trapped inside, only to have each person die before the answer their questions was revealed. This happened about 5 times, before I ejected this disc, and proceeded to spit on/ set it on fire simultaneously.

Special mention has to go to those random segments of the Puppet Master riding a horse. Wow. It was so terrifying to witness. An awkward looking, black cloaked man with the a cheap mask riding in broad daylight. Gives me shivers.

It's also hard to describe the whole way "The Tomb" was filmed with just "Cheap and Boring". I have no problem with cheap film making, (Movies such as Blair Witch Project, were great because the low budget heightened the realism) But its almost like Uli Lommel is a high school student with some tomato sauce, bad costumes and camera he picked up from Walmart.

I wrote this review as more of a warning to stay away ! This one only cost $2, so I wasn't expecting brilliance, but I've come to the conclusion that you couldn't pay me to watch crap like "The Tomb"

If you want budget horror like this , try Bloody Murder (2003) its just as bad (Well, OK nothing can really be as bad as "The Tomb", but.. ) the only difference is Bloody Murder is unintentionally hilarious ! This was not funny at all.

1/10

Worst. Movie. Ever.
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