AVES-2 Reviews

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

Not bad but not what I had hoped.

[7/10 · 14 April 2000]

The Phantom Menace is a good movie. It is above average and worth the money to see I guess. Unfortunately, it does not have any of the Star Wars Magic; no cool characters, no interesting dialogue, no funny in-fighting. The special effects are as much what is wrong with the film as they are what actually makes it worth watching. The effects are so over used that the movie looses any sense of human-ness that was what made the original trilogy so special. George Lucas apparently does not trust his actors enough to let them in on any of the details while filming is actually taking place and the effect is clearly seen onscreen. The actors do not know what is going to be edited into the scenes and do not know how to react to what may or may not be there.

Basically, while it is not a total waste of time, it is only of interest as background for the original trilogy. After viewing this film, I understand why Lucas started at Episode 4; Episode 1 would have been lucky to break even if it were the first movie released. Expect some boring dialogue and ok plot and a yawner of a finale and your expectations will be met.

American Beauty (1999)

One of the best movies of all time.

[9/10 · 3 April 2000]

What more can be said about this excellent film. Unlike a lot of Oscar winners in recent memory, this movie actually deserved every Oscar it won. It is a riveting portrait of American life in the suburbs. Probably there are few families quite as dysfunctional as this one but I bet almost all families can relate in a small way to the Burnhams.

Kevin Spacey and Annette Bening play the Burnhams, a middle aged couple who are going through their mid-life crises. Spacey is working for a magazine trying to sell advertising spots and Bening is a somewhat successful real estate agent. They are stuck in a loveless marriage and while Spacey's mid-life crisis revolves mostly around his physical appearance and sexual prowess, Bening is hungry for success and feels that she is a failure. They also have a teenage daughter who thinks her parents are crazy and has basically withdrawn from any type of relationship with them.

There are so many things happenning in this film that it would be hard to explore all of them at once. Spacey's character becomes infatuated with his daughter's best friend, the daughter developes a relationship with the "psycho" boy-next-door and Bening's character carries on a love/hate relationship with the town's truly successful Real Estate King.

What's most interesting though is that about half of the movie is way over the top while the other half is quite suttle. And it is the suttle parts that are the most interesting. The parts where you need to "look closer" as the tagline suggests. There are not a lot of answers here but there is a lot of food for thought and American Beauty is the kind of movie you are still thinking about days later.

With that said, there is one scene in the movie that seems totally out of place. It is one of the last scenes, so I can not fully describe it but it really felt out of place in this film. The scene involves Spacey and his next door neighbor. Other parts of the film were understated and they worked really well. For example, we don't really know what is wrong with Ricky's mother but she is barely conscious and her memory is shot. We do not know whether her condition is caused by being beaten or by some sort of degenerative disease but Ricky is obviously scared of ending up the same way. So when we see the hundreds of videotapes in Ricky's room and he gives the speech about beauty and never wanting to forget, we can understand the motivation for his behavior. This final scene however clashes with the style and pacing of the movie.

I was impressed by the acting, the story, the style of the movie and everything else. This movie is truly a must see. If it were not for that one little scene, this movie would be a perfect 10. As it is, I had to give it a 9/10 although I would have given it a 9.5 or even 9.75 if the system allowed for it.

The Poseidon Adventure (1972)

The Best Natural Disaster Film

[8/10 · 3 April 2000]

The Poseidon Adventure is one of those movies I have seen at least once a year as long as I have been alive. I lived in Maine when I was a kid and we loved our natural disaster flicks. Of all the great disaster movies from the 70s, this has got to be the best one. Gene Hackman, Ernest Borgnine, Shelly Winters, Roddy McDowall, Leslie Neilson, and the list goes on.

The basic plot goes like this. The Poseidon is a cruise ship out for its last voyage and it is New Year's Eve. The guests are all celebrating while deep beneath the ocean's surface an earthquake is happening. The earthquake sets off a huge tsunami and the ship is knocked upside down. In order to be saved, a small group of people heads for the engine room at the bottom (make that top, since the ship is upside down) of the ship. At first, the ocean claims hundreds of the passengers until they are whittled down to about 10 people left. From here there are plenty of tense moments and a power struggle for control of the survivors. Typical disaster movie fare but done rather well.

This movie is a great main event for a disaster film weekend.

Run Lola Run (1998)

Rent, Lola, Rent

[10/10 · 21 February 2000]

The best movies of the last few years have mostly been foreign and independent films. Despite Hollywood's attempt to supersaturate the movie market with worthless, pointless, and pathetic lowest common denominator trash, a few excellent films have made it to theaters and video stores in America. Run, Lola, Run is one of these shining gems.

The story is simple. Lola has 20 minutes to come up with $100,000 dollars in order to save her boyfriend, Manni, from the wrath of a drug dealer. It sounds simple enough but like all movies, the most basic of ideas turns into an incredible journey with plenty of subplots woven into the mix. Lola's only vehicle, a moped, was stolen so she has to run and run and run.

The movie is a high octane trip set to a pulsing techno soundtrack that will get your heart racing as fast as Lola's. This is one of the best movies I have ever seen and I am kicking myself for not seeing it in the theater. Run to your nearest video store and rent this movie.

The Love Letter (1999)

Sicky Sweet and Cute Romantic Comedy

[8/10 · 7 February 2000]

This movie was a sicky sweet cutesy romantic comedy, just the kind of movie I usually dislike but this one was just cute enough to keep me interested. It was really funny in one moment (probably why I liked it) and then just as serious in the next. Plus, it had Ellen in it and I've always had a soft spot for her.

Basically, the owner of a book store, Helen (Kate Capshaw) finds a love letter in one of the old couches in her store. She thinks it is for her and goes crazy trying to figure out who sent it. She has kind of shut herself off from the world, so it really throws her for a loop. Eventually, almost everyone connected with her finds this letter and they are all getting mixed signals which creates some really funny moments.

Like I said, I am usually not one for this type of movie but I really wound up enjoying it and recommend it highly.

Scream 3 (2000)

One last stab at the best horror movie franchise ever!

[8/10 · 7 February 2000]

I will not say too much about this movie because I'm afraid I will give it away. I intentionally did not read or listen to any reviews before I saw it and I am glad. I will say, however, that this is an excellent horror film and it closes the door on the best horror movie franchise ever.

Scream3 has the same feel and look as the first two Scream movies. It is funny, fast-paced and remarkably scarey. Although the first Scream is the best, Scream3 succeeds where Scream2 failed. It is believable and the ending is not totally lame. It is actually kind of cool and follows the "rules" of the trilogy as put forth by Randy the movie geek who makes a beyond the grave appearance.

All our favorite characters are back from the first two movies; Randy, as mentioned, Sydney (Neve Campbell), Dewey (David Arquette) and Gail (Courtney Cox). They are joined this time around by Jenny McCarthy, Patrick Dempsey, and Scott Foley among others and you will be kept guessing who the killer is and why s/he is killing right up until the final revelation.

If you like horror movies and, particularly if you like the Scream movies, go see this as soon as you can. You will not be disappointed.

The Matrix (1999)

You HAVE to experience it for yourself!

[10/10 · 5 November 1999]

The Matrix is, quite frankly, one of the best movies ever made. It is certainly the best big-budget action movie of 1999 and possibly the best film of the entire decade (90s).

Keanu Reeves plays Neo, a mild mannered computer programmer by day, hacker genius by night. He has been consumed by finding Morpheus and uncovering the truth about the Matrix for as long as he can remember. Morpheus is the leader of a rebel force of humans who are trying to expose the truth of the Matrix and battle mega-computers who guard and protect it.

The actors do a great job with their roles, the plot is believable (at least to conspiracy theorists) and not riddled with enough holes for the Titanic to sail (or sink) through, and the special effects are incredible. When it all comes together, you have a basically flawless movie that really entertains.

So how do I describe the Matrix? To quote Morpheus, "You have to experience it for yourself".

Simply Irresistible (1999)

An Irresistible Love Story

[9/10 · 18 October 1999]

Simply Irresistible is a truly wonderful love story that appeals to all ages. It may not have done that well in the theater but, on video, it will prove to be a brilliant career move for Sarah Michelle Gellar.

The story revolves around two restaurants; one is the tiny family owned Southern Cross and the other is the uptown glamorous soon-to-be openned Jonathan's. Geller plays Amanda Shelton, the cook at the Southern Cross. Since her mother's death, the restaurant has been on the verge on bankruptcy, mostly because Amanda is a lousy cook. Jonathan's has recruited the best cook around and is perched atop New York's finest department store. Jonathan's is the brain-child of Tom Bartlett (Flanery) and he is determined to make it the most successful restaurant in the city.

While shopping for food at the local farmer's market, Amanda runs into a stranger who tries to sell her some crabs. Amanda doesn't even know where to begin with cooking crabs but the stranger pops up all over the place and finally she agrees to buy them. Meanwhile, one of the crabs has escaped and Amanda finds it biting Bartlett's foot. From here on in there are a number of chance meetings and Amanda's cooking magically becomes world class.

As with all "love stories" the plot is rather secondary to the chemistry between the two leads, and in this movie, the situation is absolutely explosive. Gellar proves, once again, that she can create a sense of longing and lust with anyone to whom she is paired. In this role she plays a self-conscious, intimidated, and vulnerable young woman so well that she effectively slays her "Buffy" stereotype and shows us just how much talent hides beneath the surface.

Simply Irresistible is a great date movie that men may actually enjoy (Sarah Michelle Gellar and not too sicky sweet). It should also appeal to all ages since it contains minimal violence and foul language.

The Amityville Horror (1979)

Sligthly above average horror flick.

[15 October 1999]

The Amityville Horror is a slightly above average horror flick which loosely documents the experiences of the Lutz Family while living in America's most famous haunted house. It probably does not deserve all the attention it has gotten but, for a while, it captured America's attention as people argued about whether it was real or a hoax.

As a movie, it holds its own. It is not great movie but it is also not a total waste of time. If you are really interested in the Amityville Story, though, you would probably be better off reading the book since much of the movie is fictionalized.

Amityville II: The Possession (1982)

Amityville II: The Pathetic

[3/10 · 14 October 1999]

Well, I picked up a two for one package of Amityville Horror and Amityville II at Sam's Club, so I can't complain too much. The original is a slightly above average horror movie, while the prequel is really just pathetic.

In Amityville II, we meet the previous owners of the house on Oceanview Drive. Unfortunately, whoever wrote this mess, totally ignores all the facts set up in the first installment and they can not even figure out what year it is. This movie is just too easy to pick on but let me give you a couple examples of how laughable it is:

1. The movie is supposed to be set in 1973, yet Sonny wears a Walkman everywhere. EXCUSE ME, the Walkman was not introduced until around 1980.

2. In the first Amityville, it is firmly established that George Lutz looks incredibly like Sonny. George Lutz has a beard yet Sonny looks like he is about 15 and has not begun to shave yet.

3. The opening scene of Amityville Horror depicts the killer (Sonny) walking from room to room shooting his family while they sleep but in Amity II he has to chase some of them around the house before he shoots them.

4. A pub owner in Amity I tells George that the police arrested Sonny in his bar, right where George is sitting, but in the prequel he is arrested at the house and does not remember the crime at all.

Ok, so the list of factual errors goes on and on, just take my word for it. As for the story itself, well it is ridiculous even without all the factual errors. Whoever wrote this movie tried so hard to copy the "Exorcist" that you literally want to throw the nearest bottle at the screen during the "finale".

It is a lousy sequel, a trivial movie, and a big waste of time. Skip it.

Twister (I) (1996)

It must have been an F5 because it REALLY sucked.

[16 September 1999]

Ok, someone has to shoot Bill Paxton to save the world from any more of his crappy acting in crappy movies. Right after that, they should shoot Jan De Bont and burn every movie he has even thought about directing.

With that said, the ONLY thing that saved this movie from being as bad as "Lost World" was the special effects. The twisters were generally pretty cool looking (minus the cows which actually had me laughing out loud) and the surround sound was excellent. If that is all you are looking for in a movie, then this one is for you. In fact, I would suggest that anyone watching this film should just FF though all the "dialogue" and stop to watch the twisters in action. You'll be saving yourself the torture of watching the flying cows out-act the actors.

The plot, you ask? It is too mundane to bore you with. Typical girl watches father get killed by tornado, girl meets guy, girl and guy chase tornadoes, guy can not deal with girl's death wish, guy gets counseling, guy falls for counselor and wants divorce from girl, guy and counselor follow girl while she chases tornadoes to get divorce papers signed, guy realizes he still loves girl.

The mystery here is why on earth did Hunt ever fall for Paxton, why does she still love him, why won't she just sign the papers, why doesn't she throw him (and his counselor) into a tornado?

This film would have been much better if it had just followed the typical horror movie formula and had the tornado suck up one crew member at a time while Hunt watched helplessly. For those of you who need an emotional payoff, she could have flashbacks to her father's death every time the tornado sucked up another friend of hers. It could be Helen vs. the Twister and at the end, right before she kills the tornado with a giant DirtDevil, the tornado could spit up all her dead friends to ensure that she needs years of intensive psychotherapy.

Unfortunately, no one consulted me on the plot and we are left with a lifeless special effects vehicle that is only mildly entertaining. To end on a positive note, I was pleased that the special effects crew was credited before the full cast at the end of the film because they were the real stars.

Ever After: A Cinderella Story (1998)

A Great Modern Day Cinderella

[8/10 · 27 July 1999]

"Ever After" is a great modern day version of the Cinderella Story. It is not perfect but it works on many levels and it thoroughly entertains by taking liberties with the details while sticking closely to the basic plot.

The acting is great. Drew Barrymore once again proves that she can breathe life into any character she is given and Angelica Houston is excellent as the wicked step-mother. The rest of the cast also turn in above average performances and each character has a little something to add to the whole.

The one thing that is noticeably missing is the magical aspects that make the original a fairy tale. There is no fairy godmother or spells that expire upon the stroke of midnight. The myth has been debunked and we are left with a story that is actually believable. Both the heroes and villians are three dimensional characters; the step-mother is wicked but she also has her reasons for hating Cinderella. The prince is charming but he is also a spoiled brat and a snob at times.

Some people may not like the attempt to take the fairy out of the fairy tale but think of how silly it would look to present a fairy godmother in anything other than cartoon form. Also, in a more societal perspective, we are consumed with explaining the myth out of everything. From the formation of Earth to UFO sightings, we are constantly finding rational explanations to reaffirm our perception of the world. What could be more fitting than to explain the story of Cinderella in rational terms that ignore the more fanciful aspects of the children's tale.

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

The Worst Sequel Ever Made

[1/10 · 25 June 1999]

This has got to be the worst sequel ever made. I am one of the suckers who paid $8 to see this pathetic piece of drivel in the theater. I wish I had listened to the critics who universally panned it but I mistakenly thought that Spielberg could do no wrong. Newsflash, even Spielberg will do a movie simply to cash in on a good idea and sell a few more lunch boxes and video games.

The plot absolutely sucked. It was totally unimaginative and often ridiculous (T. Rex in LA? Give me a break) but what annoyed me the most was the lack of any new special effects. I mean, if you are going to throw a moronic story line at us, at least give us some cool new dinosaurs or a few good explosions. The only thing that was not recycled from the first movie was the plot and I would have enjoyed watching a total rehash of the original rather than this. And what is the deal with the second island? At the end of JP1 the dinosaurs were still alive and reproducing so why did they even introduce a second island?

Not only is this the worst sequel ever made but I think it is one of the worst movies ever made. If you are one of the few people who has been lucky enough to miss this movie up until now, avoid it at all costs. You will never get those 2 hours of your life back.

Pi (1998)

An interesting portrait of insanity.

[8/10 · 17 June 1999]

This movie was an incredible and intense portrait of a man balancing on the brink of insanity. It centers on Max, a mathematics and computer type who is obsessed with finding a mathematical expression for the stock market. Max has some sort of medical condition which leads him to have tremors, blackouts, and violent outbursts. He is a very private person who doesn't really enjoy personal interaction (probably because of his illness) . The only person he interacts with in a semi-normal way is his mentor and former teacher who also shares a love for numbers.

There are a few problems with the script but they are all excusable. For example, at one point, there is a discussion of turning a 216 digit number into a 216 letter word but clearly that would not be possible under the circumstances. I'm probably being picky but that was a little silly considering that Max is supposed to be a mathematical genius. Plus, there are some sub-plots that never really go anywhere. The girl next door seems to like Max and he seems to go into his blackouts when she is with other men but the romance is never fully explored.

These types of inconsistencies keep it from being a 10/10 film but they are actually pretty minor when compared to the rest of the film. The scenes where Max has tremors and goes into his blackouts are intense and show a man truly on the edge of sanity. His obsession with solving the "pi" project and its effect on the frequency and intensity of his episodes is acted out and timed to perfection bringing the whole story to an mind blowing finale.

This movie is more of a portrait of insanity rather than a "thriller" but probably of interest to the same audience. Definitely worth renting.

Strangeland (1998)

Strangeland pierced my attention!

[10/10 · 9 June 1999]

Honestly, this is one of the BEST horror movies I have ever seen. I was captivated by the story, petrified of Captain Howdy and on the edge of my seat for the whole ride. I do not really understand all the negative reviews.

The set up has already been discussed in depth; Captain Howdy is an on-line predator who sets up meetings with teenagers, abducts them and introduces them to his favorite pastime of body modification and piercing. Dee Snider is Captain Howdy and he is one of the scariest psychopaths ever created; maybe the scariest because he is so human and you get the sense (especially if you are into body modification at all) that there are really people like this in the world.

But the biggest reason I liked this movie and the reason it is so horrific is that Captain Howdy becomes the hero. At the beginning of the movie, the roles are clear-cut; the victims are innocent, the cop is the good guy and Howdy is pure evil. By the second act, however, things have changed a little. You want Howdy to be evil but it turns out that he is really just a victim of circumstance and maybe the good and the bad are not obvious. It is terrifying to find yourself cheering for the "bad" guy.

A couple people have mentioned that Strangeland should have been broken into two separate movies. To be sure, there are definitely two separate "acts" but this movie works so well because the two acts are back to back. The first act is the typical psycho-thriller but the second act is the most disturbing because of the viewers reaction to the situation. I do not think it would have worked quite the same if the second act were expanded and turned into a sequel.

As a big horror movie fan, I highly recommend this film. It is the first horror movie EVER to give me nightmares.

Killer Condom (1996)

Better than a B-movie; a B-movie with subtitles!

[7/10 · 3 June 1999]

This movie is destined to be a cult classic. It has the outrageous and almost totally unbelievable plot, the bad acting, shifty camera work, horrible special effects, a gay love story, and subtitles. In spite of all this (or maybe because of it) the movie is fun.

The action takes place mostly at a brothel called "Hotel Quickie" and is set in NYC. The hotel-provided condoms pack a bit of a bite and after four men lose their bits, the police call in Detective Macaroni; enter the well hung hero.

While investigating the scene of the crime, Macaroni catches the eye of Billy, a cute young hooker who falls deeply in love with "Cop"'s considerable... nightstick, shall we say. Unfortunately, before they are able to consummate their relationship, the condom strikes again and leaves Macaroni one nut shy of a full sack. Now the fight is personal, so Macaroni is determined to bring the condoms and whoever unleashed them on society to justice.

The movie is full of strange and quicky characters that bring to mind the early works of David Lynch. There is a transvestite ex-cop (Bob/Babette) who has a crush on Macaroni and even a Republican Candidate for President with a thing for hookers. The best thing about the characters, however, is that they all have something called "character development" throughout the film which is something even most Hollywood Blockbusters don't have anymore.

This movie is definitely not for everyone but if you enjoy cheesy horror films, can endure the subtitles, and if the gay "love" story doesn't offend you, you might really like it. I'm already planning to rent it again.