tonik_2000 Reviews

Anne with an E (2017–2019)

Does she ever mature

[4/10 · 17 April 2024]

I didn't read the books, and my viewing of the original series was limited, I maybe got through half of it. I do enjoy the stories here, and the characters are all good. But what exactly were they trying to accomplish with Anne's character? Any person with such a faulty social and speech filter would eventually learn how to be less silly but she never does. She's not silly, she's absolutely insufferable. I kept asking myself, "how does this girl even have friends" and kept remarking to myself how forgiving everyone was of her neverending craziness. I have done so much less and had people never speak to me again. Every time she talks she shouts, and it's always this guttural obnoxious low-pitched growling explosion. I got so sick of it. Absolutely unattractive annoying over the top girl somehow also ends up with gorgeous boyfriend at the end who chooses HER over witty, beautiful and charming other one. Everything else is ok. I just can't stand Anne's forced, cutesy, repellent insanity.

Poor Things (2023)

Hm.

[1/10 · 11 March 2024]

I challenge anyone to state that this film had not spawned from the singularity of someone's insane idea that babies' brains need to be put into adult bodies so Hollywood p*rv*rts have less guilt about what we all KNOW is going on there. For the first half of the film I enjoyed it fully as a comedy, because I had, strangely enough, left the room when the part about the brain transplant was explained. Until then I thought she was just a reanimated dead person. Then I learned that she had an infant brain in her body and was gleefully fornicating absolutely everywhere. I don't need to say that I didn't laugh once again, and watched the rest out of duty to know thine enemy. They love to confess in their films. And I'm sure I'll be met with a lot of how "I just don't get it," or something. No stars.

Kung Fu Panda 4 (2024)

Like staring at a multicolored strobe light

[2/10 · 10 March 2024]

This movie was like getting pummeled in the face for an hour and a half. I'm glad I'm not seizure prone because I'd probably have to leave the theater if I were. The action was so constant, the animation so obnoxious, I was honestly worried about my hearing and vision health. The comedy was so laughable and by that I do not mean it was funny. I didn't see the other films, and that probably has a lot to do with my dislike for this one, but usually you can gain context when watching sequels. All I can say is I have no idea what the heck was going on with this story, even though the writing was spoon-fed to the point of utter silliness. I was so darned glad when this movie was finally over. The best part was the Jack Black song during the credits.

Little Women (2019)

A big who cares

[2/10 · 23 February 2024]

I haven't read the book, but I've seen both recent film adaptations, and every time I walk away with a giant "who cares." I find it difficult to like any of these girls and their neverending yammerings in their various dreamworlds, forever gushing over each other with insufferable affection and/or silly discord, none of them aware of their own mediocrity even though they do get pouty about it at times. All this somehow makes them the most amazing flowers fall from heaven for all available bachelors, while if you ask me, they're vain, whiny, snooty and obnoxious, with no depth to any of them. The quirky girl pluckiness is fed to the teeth. What Jo did to Laurie makes her a whole new category of the b word, and everyone is just ok with him doing the tackiest thing possible of getting together with an alternate sister. I don't care what anyone says, I don't understand the fascination with this pointless, annoying, mediocre story.

The Duchess (2008)

Great movie

[8/10 · 13 January 2024]

I watch this repeatedly and never tire of it. The acting is excellent. Ralph Fiennes always amazes me with his range of ability. He is ultra handsome in my opinion, but he can be a repellent monster or a dashing gorgeous gent. Either way he is always brooding and possessing a lot of depth. Kiera Knightley is always classy, intelligent and beautiful in whatever she does. And what a visual feast this movie is. It is simply delicious to the eyes. As far as plot it isn't a thril ride or anything that gets excessively complex but the characters are so engaging you remain invested in the story. The relationship is so toxic and unfortunate its story alone is enough to fill the movie. I don't like to say "the relationship is bad" because that doesn't describe it properly, it is fully one sided in that the Duke is the one who provides all its lacking and failures. Keira expresses the deep emotional response to the way she is treated with genuineness and dignity.

Birds of Prey (2020)

What, why, who cares

[2/10 · 8 October 2023]

Wth is this? Boring. I decided to give the Harley Quinn story a go because I know very little about it. All I can say is that this did nothing to make me want to know anything FURTHER about it. It never grabbed me. What fluff. Lots of intense hot mess and not in a good way. Looks like a decent budget as well, what a total waste. How can so much continual action STILL put you to sleep? And I can't get over the annoying running monologue which Margot Robbie seems to be doing while chewing peanuts the entire time. What's the story? I still don't know, the whole movie may as well have been in gibberish and I would be equally entertained which I wasn't.

Friday the 13th (1980)

This movie is a failure, Let's FINALLY add something scary at the end, maybe we can do a sequel

[2/10 · 27 September 2023]

Yeah this movie is terrible, does not deserve its worship. For its time, I suppose with a huge amount of suspension of disbelief, for the teenagers of the time, it was good, because good horror was slim pickings. I remember being in awe of it but that's because I was 6. Watching it now, terrible acting, bad writing, story explained thanks to a few minutes of dialogue at the end. Even as a kid when I was finally able to watch, I was waiting for all the "scary parts" to happen and the only scary part was when Jason jumped out of the water. Thus the only purpose served by this movie, and probably not even done intentionally, at least it its first inception, was to spawn sequels, and did it ever spawn them. That is, thanks to the only "scary part" being the very end. Sequel factory.

High School Musical (2006 TV Movie)

Great, if you like "bad" things?

[6/10 · 14 August 2023]

And I genuinely mean that. You have to have an appreciation for cliche, cheese, cringe, corn, and things happening exactly the way you expect them to. These are all the things that make up a real high school musical and you simply can't tell me that's what they weren't going for here. And honestly that's what makes it good. There is enough actual humor thrown in for the adults, similar to Easter eggs in old Flintstones cartoons and mature jokes in Sesame Street. I have actually seen some excellent, very mature high school musicals though so this seems to me to be more of an 8th grade musical, but you know what I mean. This movie was unabashedly formulaic and 100% cheesy but it perfected that, if that makes any sense.

Not a full 7 but definitely a 6.5 (wish we could do half stars here) and a thumbs up from me.

Star Trek (2009)

These 3 movies are great.

[9/10 · 3 April 2023]

What I like most is the dedication to keeping to the spirit of the original characters. All of these actors are fantastically chosen. There has been a strange shift in recent years to replace actors in remakes with people who are on-purpose, completely nothing like the originals. And guess what, no one really likes it when that happens. Here we see everyone we know and we are aware of exactly why they were chosen for the part. The action is a powerhouse, the updates are refreshing yet remain human, the retelling of the stories hasn't been made farfetched. The acting is excellent and characters are all extremely likeable. A big undertaking done thoughtfully and thoroughly, everything you want and love from Star Trek is all here.

Hereditary (2018)

These 5-minute cult endings fail miserably

[4/10 · 28 March 2023]

This reminded me of watching Rosemary's Baby... people talked about that movie as if it was so evil and so horrible and terrifying, and it seems like for some of the movie it might have been. But then it ends so ridiculously I am full on laughing. RB ending really had me rolling and I couldn't help but think this director didn't find it ridiculous like I did but rather scary and therefore wanted to copy it (as have others.) The only true terror in the endings of movies like this is that these dumb cults do exist and for some reason are adopted by powerful people who can ruin the lives of the rest of us to get their jollies. What a waste of a film with some very good dramatic parts and tension. Stupid flippin ending.

Emancipation (2022)

Black and white makes it difficult to watch

[7/10 · 9 March 2023]

This was a very good film. But the black and white made it an absolutely miserable experience. Was it done because of the fact that the story was based on a single photo and therefore wanted to honor it as being an extension of it? Black and white does not do well with this kind of setting at all, the trees, swamps, tall grasses, mud, earth, ragged people, they all blend together and it becomes a chore to the eye to separate all of it. I just wonder what it would have looked like in color, because watching it was a headache and it was hard to engage with what translated as a continual mess on the screen.

Beauty and the Beast (1991)

Masterpiece

[9/10 · 18 February 2023]

This movie has so much soul, so much effort, so much talent in animation as well as script and song. Everything involved in the film is treated with so much dedication. Disney tries to replicate often in its movies, but this and the Little Mermaid were really where when the Disney team put their original soul into their movies. It transports you fully into its story and magic. What more can we ask of a film when in the need for a fantasy tale? Job well done. I love it. Amazing film, fully well deserved of its Best Picture nomination. Thank you Disney for giving us a truly wonderful film that stands the test of time.

3 Women (1977)

I can't come up with anything better than WTF

[3/10 · 5 February 2023]

Edit: If you aren't aware already, this movie was based off a dream the director had.

I won't even give the energy necessary to attempt to understand this movie. The truth is, there isn't anything to understand. Not every dream deserves to be made into a film. Even if it affects you profoundly, unless it is relatable, no one is going to engage in your story if it is absolutely nonsensical and only relevant to your own subconscious mind. I've had dreams like this - I go on and on with even the most impactful recant of a dream I've had to someone, and it's usually the same, they don't care too much. That's the thing with dreams, they are highly personal, and, obviously, experienced firsthand. This film was, thus, a highly masturbatory and narcissistic artsy piece. And it is nonsensical through the flippin roof. Frankly, one of the worst movies I've ever seen. When I was young and stupid I thought it was just over my head. Now I know it belongs in the director's head only, and probably should have stayed there.

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (2019)

Roller coaster just stops, the end.

[4/10 · 2 February 2023]

So much conflict built up that could be resolved by good old talking. Beginning at the dinner scene. I groaned at that moment. The start of the misunderstanding that could have been solved so darned easily by saying "no, I didnt put the curse on the king," or something. Of course, no one decides to speak. Mountains of conflict and tension just piled and piled upon itself immediately follows. Layers and layers of it. Culminating in war and explosions everywhere. How do we ever come back from ALL of this mess, I was thinking. This has GOT to be good. But it wasn't. Maleficent turns into a big bird and everything just, stops. And they all decide to be friends. What, the heck, just happened?

Hamilton (2020)

History class cliff notes rap assignment

[3/10 · 2 February 2023]

2 and a half hours of a 7th grade turn-history-into-rap-song assignment using only the cliff notes. One enormous badly-written run on sentence. Another singer besides Idina Menzel who desperately wants to sing like Alanis Morissette. Casting is so ass backward it could only be done on purpose. Represent racial groups, that's ok. Would be nice to see actors that represent, in appearance, the actual people to make this giant crammed-together mess less confusing. Well, it does help that they constantly introduce and reintroduce the characters by first and sometimes last name and announce, by mouth, the year and setting. I feel like I'm being forced to learn my history homework in song form in order to memorize it better, or something.

The Requin (2022)

Ugh, terrible

[2/10 · 26 January 2023]

I honestly think someone had the idea to make an entire movie out of the single idea to illustrate that Jack and Rose could have survived on that wooden slab in Titanic. Because there is no other impetus behind this movie that I can discern. If you haven't seen this, at one point the couple succesfully floats on a thatch slab of material nearly identical in size to the one in Titanic. I always come across a little part in a movie, song, or poem, and wonder to myself, did they base the entire piece off this spark of that idea? And I wonder how often I'm right, because I too at times get a brilliant one-line thought or snippet in my head, and tell myself I could write a whole story/song/poem of it, but I am always too lazy to continue and I feel that doing it that way would be disingenuous to true creativity. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.

Anyway, there really is nothing to this film. Pure boredom. Alicia Silverstone could not save it at all. It's not even a guilty pleasure type of bad film. I can't even watch it again to make sure.

I Saw the Light (2015)

When did we ever see the light

[5/10 · 20 September 2022]

There is no way Hank Williams' story was this dull. An excellently acted movie that somehow manages to be nearly completely heartless. The script borders on lazy and the story is flat and lacking. The approach taken at its storytelling is so non-dramatic it seems to be done on purpose. Tom Hiddleston was cast perfectly for the role and played brilliantly but was given such lifeless material to work with and draw from. The movie plodded along its entire duration. It could have been so much more with these great actors, it lacked soul, it just ends up feeling like bad research in writing and absent directing. A very well acted movie but very flat and it seemed to have a lot missing from it. I have never been more impressed by the acting in a movie with such lukewarm content.

Man of Steel (2013)

Disappointing as heck

[4/10 · 11 August 2022]

This movie was an absolute mess of CGI insanity. Soulless acting everywhere, no chemistry between Lois and Superman. A ridiculous hour-long fight scene where everything everywhere gets bashed to kingdom come. Isn't Superman's big old mantra "saving innocent people" and "helping planet Earth?" Because the whole city got demolished so they could incessantly body slam each other in the most over the top way I have ever seen besides maybe in cartoons. And suddenly the city somehow came back to miraculous life for the rushed, bad ending. The first half of the movie did show promise, but then fell into a total cheapdom of cgi explosions. I couldn't even keep my eyes on it. It attempted at story and then zoomed and exploded for 45 minutes. I didn't really care about any of the characters, Jor-el piqued my sympathies, Zod was somewhat intriguing, but I lost interest while devotedly and patiently waiting for this movie to have a soul. 4 stars because Superman is my favorite superhero but that's all I can afford.

The Eyes of Tammy Faye (2021)

One-sidedness everywhere

[5/10 · 31 July 2022]

We already know Tammy was a caricature. What would be interesting to know is if there are other, relatable things true about her life which is what I expected from this film. Everyone in this film is way too one-sided. It mostly portrays Jim and especially Tammy as fools which they really were not. Where is the story? It never moves much past her silliness. I was hoping to see some relatability. Didn't really happen. She never left caricature. She was a victim of a lot of toxicity which was never properly addressed or resolved. Jim and Tammy were not doofuses, they knew exactly what they were doing. Every human has complexities. We see not a lot of that here. The film sticks way too hard to the "Christians are dumb" theme and it smacks of an agenda, or something. It needed a lot more. I guess what I'm saying is, I'd like to see more of Tammy without the makeup, so to speak.

Pistol (2022)

Just doesn't work

[4/10 · 29 July 2022]

I can't get past the thought that maybe there are a lot of young people involved in the production of this film who don't understand punk and don't understand the Sex Pistols. There's something very wrong here and I can't place it, but it's a very substantial wrong. They certainly didn't understand Chrissy Hynde either, the girl who played her acted well, but didn't act like Chrissy Hynde. You can't add level-headedness, self-awareness and introspect to the Sex Pistols, and this is what goes on here quite often in these episodes. At least too much of it for the Sex Pistols.

Mona Lisa Smile (2003)

I like it.

[7/10 · 23 June 2022]

Inaccurate about what actually went on at this school, somewhat predictable, formulaic. That's me just being picky though, because I love the movie. It is an escape to another time and fantastic for me since it takes me to 2 places I would have loved: finishing school and being an artist. The clothing, makeup, hairstyles and school architecture are a real feast for the eyes. I think it's just a gem of a movie, and all the actresses have done excellent work. I come back to this movie often. It's very benign and sweet, but has several subplots so it isn't boring.

Death Proof (2007)

Misogyny

[4/10 · 13 May 2022]

Everything Tarantino and the producers hate about women in the first half, and proceeds with an attempt to patch that up with opposing girl heroes in the second half. Entertaining but you aren't hard to read, Quentin. Shame you can't hide it in plain sight from everyone.

White Hot: The Rise & Fall of Abercrombie & Fitch (2022)

Boring, very repetitive

[2/10 · 19 April 2022]

Same point repeated over and over and over. 90% of this is about the lack of non-whites at Abercrombie & Fitch and this point repeated by a copious amount of people being interviewed. This was very boring, very repetitive, and very bad. It reminds me of a high school paper assignment with a word limit needed to be reached. The only thing you walk away with from watching this is the lack of diversity at A&F which was a glaringly obvious fact to begin with.

House of Gucci (2021)

I guess it could be worse, but

[3/10 · 3 April 2022]

So boring! I could not keep my eyes on this film. Lady Gaga is an over-actor, ugh. Drawn out as heck. 3 hours was too much. The accents were so overpronounced and unnatural, very distracting.

The Dollanganger Saga: Flowers in the Attic (2014) Season 1, Episode 1

Will this book ever be a good movie?

[5/10 · 26 January 2022]

This is a great book, and has great potential to be a great film. Why is that so hard to do? The original film was corny, and this one was a teensy bit better, but I have yet to see a good film adaptation. I have no idea why Heather Graham was so awful, she's usually very good in whatever she does. Here she behaves like she has neurological damage. I'd love to see the book made into a good film, but that hasn't happened yet. The films need to get away from the bland soap opera melodrama. Maybe one day someone will put real heart into doing the book justice in a film. Disappointing. 5 because I love the book.