ticklemetorgo Reviews

Thomas & Friends (1984–2021)

Safety issues

[22 January 2006]

Wow, you never could have a railroad like this in real life, the number of accidents that happen on Sir Topham Hatt's railroad would be bringing in the Dept. of Transportation faster than Spencer against a race with Edward. Also I wonder where they have this kind of money to run a railroad especially on an island. Any railroad on an island would definitely be a small time affair with not this many engines that can obviously be done by autos and trucks. I haven't seen the island being swarmed with tourists or any large scale housing developments to support a population and income to run such a large railway. It's quite unrealistic.

But on another level, my kids love this show, it is good wholesome entertainment and gets the kids into trains.

Insomniac with Dave Attell (2001–2004)

Drinking????

[8 October 2005]

Yeah there is some drinking in this show. OK it's all about drinking and a little sightseeing too, but my gawd how can one human drink yet still have the energy to go to all these places. Maybe I'm a bit of a wimp. This was a really funny show, Dave is funny and the concept of the show is great. No matter where you are in North America (and around the world) people all like to get drunk and make asses of themselves on camera. I think there should have been a few other cities that Dave could have gone to (Portland Maine for example, or just have a two hour special going thru New England, believe me there is a lot of drinking to be done up here) Maybe he can bring back the show in a few years or so, would be cool!!

Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

I liked it

[9/10 · 30 September 2005]

I haven't really been interested in any movies that have come out in the past 10 years. For some reason this one really looked funny and decided to buy it on video. (I don't even remember it coming out in the theaters) Napoleon Dynamite is funny. It is really odd and different from what I expected from comedies that have come out lately. I don't think it's because of it's lack of crude humor either. All the characters are really odd and deadpan. Maybe that's why, cause everyone is so deadpan, and it reminds me a bit of Buster Keaton's film characters (ok it's a bit of a stretch)The simple fact is that I enjoyed it. There may be debates on whether this film is funny or not. Doesn't matter since the only thing that counts is what the viewer thinks of the movie. And a note to people who are having long arguments about this film, it's just a movie, nothing more.

Junior Rodeo Daredevils (1949)

Mr. William Slater, shame on you!!

[1/10 · 17 September 2005]

Actually a big shame on you to Encyclpedia Brittanica for releasing this piece of propaganda. Well maybe not cause luckily MST got a hold of this and have a lot of fun with it. Demented Billy Slater, who himself looks like the town drunkard who's been whacked too many times in the head by bucking broncos, catches a couple of his grandkids fooling around with his favorite mare (don't ask why it's his favorite) He convinces the kids to organize their own rodeo. Since the good folk of Wickenburg AZ had not much else to do (I know it's Wickenburg cause there's a sign in the short that says Wickenburg) back in the late 40's except go to Phoenix on the weekends to see the big city. Anyway back the short, little kids learn the meaning of pain, broken bones and what their health insurance will and won't cover at the hospital. Possible deaths may have occurred since nowhere in the short do they say "nobody or any animals were harmed in the making of this film". But anyway MST do have fun with it and now we can all laugh at the expense of these numb-skull cowpokes.

Fire Maidens of Outer Space (1956)

Jupiter!! America's Dairyland!! (moo)

[1/10 · 3 September 2005]

Tedious? You bet and quite cheesy too, but unlike most films seen on MST not too fun. Joel and the bots do try but this film just drags and drags and drags. Five whitely dressed British astronauts go to the 13th moon of Jupiter because they saw it had an atmosphere (without the aid of any of the Voyager spacecraft or the Hubble telescope) after dodging space popcorn they safely land their V-2 rocket in Wisconsin (sorry Jupiter's 13th moon) and smoke a lot. Eventually an old man and his hot daughters greet the men and try to seduce them, convincing them that they are the last survivors of Atlantis. Well it takes forever for our nicotine fiends to find their way out their lair and try to avoid a not too scary monster who wears a turtleneck. The best part of all of this was not the movie itself but Joel's epic battle with the evil Timmy!!

Monster a Go-Go (1965)

What the hell is this??

[1/10 · 19 August 2005]

What in the world is/was this? Can this be called a film? Is there something in the cinematic world that makes Coleman Francis look like Steven Spielberg? Ladies and gentlemen, it's MONSTER A GO-GO. Some kind of weird experiment in...something, I really don't know. The film does try to tell a story, but it too messily edited, props are non-existent (though I love the huge space capsule)acting is wooden, lines are spoken directly from cue-cards, and the monster is nothing more than Lurch in a horrible blow torch accident. Bill Rebane started this, gave up and Herschel Gordon-Lewis finished, which we must ask WHY? Rebane may not be Orson Wells but he had the decency to know when to quit. He should have destroyed the negative and denied all knowledge of making any part of this film. But Mr. Lewis decided to salvage this, and well this is the result. Granted if he hadn't done it Sandy Frank probably would have, and you know what he's done with editing jobs of bad Japanese TV.

Well it does make for a fun MST episode.

Baby Einstein Language Nursery (1996 Video)

One in a series of billions, but the kids love em

[16 August 2005]

Well it's kind of hard to really comment on these series of tapes, they're pretty simplistic and generally for kids 3 or younger. Our two boys love watching these things, though our older one (2 yrs old) seems to be growing out of them. Gives mom and dad some time to themselves while keeping the kids entertained. For those unfamiliar with them, they are a series of videos where they show images of toys, photos and films of various things, and narration on a baby entertaining level. What impresses me is that each one of these videos probably cost less than a $1000 each, yet these people are making a ton of money from these. The only downside is that like baby clothes, your kids outgrow these and eventually they wind up in yard sales or Goodwill (the videos not your kids)

Daddy-O (1958)

This whole movie is fun, with or without MST

[16 August 2005]

Well what can you say about Daddy-O, it really isn't good at all, I don't even know how to rate it, though there are worse movies out there. This film actually has a story, plot, action and a decent ending. The problem, IT"S ALL GOOFY!! And I don't think the director meant it to be that way, but it is.

Dick Contino is our hero, an aged teenager who wears skin tight shirts and extremely hiked up pants (with the belt buckle to the side)Anyway he's accused of killing his friend Sonny while racing a peroxide queen who becomes his main squeeze. Anyway he investigates Sonny's death because the LAPD are too lazy to do it themselves. He gets involved with running drugs for doughy guy and squinty (which again the LAPD don't bother to investigate)Lots of things happen which will take too long to explain but in the end the bad guys lose, Dick gets his girl and pants stay hiked.

Why Study Industrial Arts? (1956)

Fresh wood chips should not be this appealing

[1/10 · 15 August 2005]

Herk Harvey and Centron bring us another little instructional piece of fantasy, this time regarding shop class. A bespectacled young man (who looks likes my dad when he was in high school) discusses with his Mickey Mouse-eared friend on why he loves shop class. He narrates about his fantasy through the short, including his career discussion with his shop teacher, who does not resemble any shop teacher I ever had in high school. Anyway the discussion leads to another discussion about shop with the basketball coach, who states that shop never helped him, yet it did since he now has a ready made hobby of building giant recipe card boxes.

MST has a field day with this short, I would think 95-100% of anything put out by Centron would be great material for the gang from Best Brains.

Uncle Jim's Dairy Farm (1963)

Good hearty white bread for white white people

[1/10 · 23 July 2005]

What can we say about "Uncle Jim's Dairy Farm?" Well for one thing it's not just a dairy farm it seems. We got chickens, pigs, sheep, wolverines and other animals here too. And all of them are sooooo cuddly. City cousins visit their country cousins for the summer and "help" on the farm and learn what it means to do some real work, instead of hanging out with friends or watching TV all day. I wonder if Uncle Jim showed the kids where that chicken, hamburger, sausage really come from and if they got to help Uncle Jim load up animals to the slaughterhouse. I also wonder how many kids decided to go to a farm after watching this film only to be sorely disappointed to find out what farm life really is like.

MST had fun with this short too, rightfully so. Thanks you Jam Handy for providing the clowns of Minneapolis with source material.

The Dead Talk Back (1994 Video)

I Love Henry Krasker's hair

[3 July 2005]

No budget murder/mystery film at it's best. This film was dug up in 1993 after it was decided that it shouldn't be released to the theaters. Why I don't know since there were decisions to release Manos: The hands of fate and the whole directorial library of cinematic genius Coleman Francis. Granted The Dead Talk Back is a crappy film but nothing compared to the Coleman Francis trilogy of terror!! We never do find if the dead really do talk back or if they go fishing with Robert Culp. Aldo Farnese plays Henry Krasker, part loopy scientist, part assistant to the LAPD who's asked by a local detective to find out who killed one of Henry's neighbors. is it the German perv? The religious fanatic? Francis the talking mule? Naw just the smooth DJ who had a brief fling with Renee. In the end you don't care except how Krasker got those neat grey streaks in his hair!!

Circus on Ice (1954)

Is this something Canada is proud of?

[27 June 2005]

Nor to be viewed without assistance of MST, ice skating shows are dull enough, ice shows with circus themes, even more lame, but having to watch a film about it? Almost like watching a fireworks show on film, except fireworks shows are pretty cool.

This is probably what inspired the Donny and Marie show, itself bad enough, but for the times I watched the show, it was my least favorite part (yes I watched the show, I was young and stupid and had no friends) I thank god I never went to Ice Capades. I also had only gone to one circus in my life and hated it. Anyway Canada shame on you for producing such an atrocity, but a great MST short!!

The Chicken of Tomorrow (1948)

Some eggs don't even exist!!

[25 June 2005]

How can one comment about this short? Whew, well it's not that short, but MST makes it fun. Basically a story of the poultry industry which I did not know that people had demanded a film for the industry. Anyway the film does not answer several simple questions as to what came first: The chicken or the egg? What DOES the petroleum industry really have to do with chicken farming? Why raise chickens in Normandy? Why have chicken auctions? We can go on forever and ever and ever with these unanswered questions.

The film also suffers from character development, basic plot, cartoon like action sequences, and nudity (except from the chickens smoking in bed) These are core values that all films must have, does Chicken of Tomorrow have these values?? NO!!!!!!! And in this the movie does fail, it's lets us down and disappoints us, the viewing audience. We are left to wonder, what about the chicken of tomorrow??

Escape from Alcatraz (1979)

Drama not action make great movies!!

[9/10 · 25 June 2005]

And Escape from Alcatraz is a great movie. Based on a true story, it's one of those rare films that doesn't contain endless mindless fight scenes, overt homo eroticism, impossible action scenes, cartoon like special effects that film makers seem to be overly obsessed about these days. Somebody on the board asked if they should do a re-make of the film. NO!!!! Escape from Alcatraz is excellent as it is. The film is all suspense and great acting. The prison scenes realistic. I'd been to Alcatraz before (as a tourist) and a lot of it is in ruins but the film makes it look like the prison is still intact.

I know some people may find the film dull, well that's fine. Go elsewhere and watch your cartoon action films. I'll stick with cool films like Escape from Alcatraz.

What to Do on a Date (1951)

Woo hoo, our luggage is here!!

[1/10 · 18 June 2005]

More fun thanks to MST and daydreamers of the 1950's. Gangly oaf Nick can't get the nerve to ask Kay out on a date. She's seen Wagon Train already and will not see it again. Nick's friend suggest a scavenger sale with cokes, streamers and paper elephants. Most people see this as geeky, but this means one thing that should make guys happy, KAY IS EASILY ENTERTAINED!! She also likes taffy pulls and weenie roasts too. And she doesn't mind if the guy is cheap. THIS IS FANTASY!! Where are these women? Unfortunately we don't get to see Nick and Kay's future adventures and these taffy pulls, bike rides, Bali puppet shows and illegal border crossings. One can speculate that they live happily ever after magically not having sex yet having lots of children!!

Is This Love? (1957)

Procreation not recreation

[1/10 · 18 June 2005]

Another fun short skewered by MST, thank you!! A very bratty only child gal announces to her Romulan (or Vulcan) roommate she is marrying the captain of the swing choir (claims to be a football player are unfounded) Mom and dad who are older than her grandparents disapprove (along with the Romulan who has a superior relationship with her fish lipped boyfriend) so what other choice than to elope and have a miserable marriage (implied) Happiness cannot be achieved here unless EVERYBODY approves. It does not matter what the couple thinks but society here must decide and judge for themselves whether this marriage should happen.

These shorts are fun for their entertainment value, I really don't see where people in the 50's would have actually believed what they were watching. Oh well.

Danger!! Death Ray (1967)

Watermelon Man!!

[10 June 2005]

AKA: Danger Death Ray, the funniest of the cheesy spy films that MST had fun with. Former Tarzan Gordon Scott sucks in his gut for this one. Professor Carmichael has developed a death ray "for peaceful purposes only" but a vague group of bad guys want it instead, so he's kidnapped by doughy guys and taken to their toy sub (via a toy helicopter)Bart Fargo must rescue him cause he's the only American spy who looks good in womany sunglasses. Cool music accompanies him as he searches for Carmichael while he must deal with evil Abe Lincolns, a fey bad guy tuned friend of Fargo's and a couple of women who he must sleep with. In the end the ineffective bad guy gets killed, the professor and the death ray get rescued and Bart gets the woman. There's also a complex scene with a watch thrown in a pool which symbolizes the amount of time that was wasted on smart screen writing for the movie.

Are You Ready for Marriage? (1950)

You saw my boing??

[4 June 2005]

Larry and Sue, two very old JC students love each other and want to get married. Mom and dad don't approve, what to do? See the Nazi love doctor Professor Hill. His large face and glitter graphs made by his six year old daughter show that Larry and Sue are not ready for marriage because they only common interest is popular songs (these popular songs are not known at this time, your author here is doing research on this subject and will get back to everyone here once I know what popular songs they are referring to) Dr. Hill's solution is to educate these young people with the cheap graphs and hope Larry and Sue take in what Dr. Hill has recommended. Larry and Sue discuss this at the soda shop, the breakwater and at home while doing dishes. Larry's dad reads a book on the Karma Sutra and give Larry and Sue some helpful hints (drinking and porno) In the end Larry and Sue get engaged to be engaged and live out their lives in happy bliss until the popular songs become unpopular and Larry and Sue break up. THE END!!

Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999)

Way way awesome show!!

[4 June 2005]

i didn't see MST3K until some of the episodes came out on video and picked one up just to see what it was all about. I LOVED IT!! I can sit and ramble forever about it, pretty much in the same way other fans have. Sure there have been a few stinkburger episodes (especially in the sci-fi era)and MST3K The Movie I don't think was very much on par with the TV show, but nobody is perfect.

Other people hate the show or have major gripes and I can understand. I'm not gonna sit there and bash these people, though I will put in my two cents. Some reviews i've seen have been strictly sci-fi era comments only. Well the show was on for SEVEN SEASONS before sci-fi channel got a hold of it. And in many ways it was more funny and different in the Comedy Central era. Also some people are upset that MST skewered certain movies, whether they felt the movies were good or not. There is nothing wrong with skewering movies. THEY ARE JUST MOVIES!!!! And you know what?? These movies still exist in non-MST form for you to watch. Don't get cheesed off that MST made fun of a film, IT'S JUST A MOVIE AND MST IS JUST A TV SHOW!! I do agree in ways with people about reviewing films strictly when they saw them on MST. I will admit I reviewed most of my films commented that I saw on MST. Most of the time it's the only way since the film is nearly impossible to find in non-MST form. I try to comment too that I saw it on MST and do try to judge the film as if I'm not watching the film through MST.

Anyway I love the show!! I think it is funny and the movies they skewer do mostly suck, in whatever ways. It was cheaply made but I think it does stand up to regular network shows (which I do think are mostly crap, but that's just my opinion)and hope that most, if not all episodes do get released on DVD. It's not a show everybody will like, but a lot of people out there do!! Enjoy!!

Progress Island U.S.A. (1973)

So Drink rum constantly..

[4 June 2005]

Brought to you by the US Govt. A name you can trust. Where can you go for cheap labor and not have to worry about hiring illegal aliens? PUERTO RICO!! That is pretty much what this film was designed for. A quick sell picture geared more towards businesses to improve their profits and look like they are helping the people of Puerto Rico. This film have made for TV music plastered all over it, over-hyper editing, vague dialog and this dull industrial feel to it making you think that you in some dingy boardroom with a bunch of be-side-burned doughy guys in polyester suits and wide ties discussing about how to boost company profits (as how I feel most business meetings in the 70's felt like) It's mostly a real pointless film but MST made it fun like they always do. Thank you Joel, Mike and the bots for making our lives a little more cheerful and skewer film that may or may not need skewering!!

El Mariachi (1992)

Low budget coolness!!

[8/10 · 30 May 2005]

The prequel (of sorts) to Desperado, and I like this film a lot more than Desperado. Film makers should look to this film as inspiration that you don't need millions to make a great movie.

Granted in this film you can definitely see the acting and budget limitations, but this movie has a way cool story and the actors, being non professionals, do a real good job. I prefer this film in it's Spanish form with the subtitles (one of approximately 15 Americans who prefer sub-titled films)I tried watching the English dubbed version and it just doesn't seem right (i've been scarred by the Japanese monster movies of the 60's and 70's) Do yourself a favor (favour in Britain and their former dependencies worldwide)and see this film.

Contésteme!! MOCO!!!!

The Creeping Terror (1964 TV Movie)

......and here's my torso.....

[21 May 2005]

The Creeping Terror, where to begin? If you thought Hal Warren, Jerry Warren, Larry Buchanan, Ed Wood or Coleman Francis were inept, well everyone let me introduce to you Art J. Nelson, director of this fun flick.

Dialogue? Well it's hard to find, we got a narrator instead who tell us what the actors are doing or talking about. It's important because you may not know what the actors are discussing about. Monster? Well steal a Chinese dragon from your local Chinatown community and glue carpet and shop vac hoses to it (don't forget a mouth hole) Hero? Well get the mutant offspring of Chris Isaac and KD Lang to be our hero. Choreography? Well your local high school teachers group are having a mid-afternoon dance (big band music with lots of horns and saxophones all re-created by two women playing a piano and drums)And don't forget the military who stole their younger siblings cap guns. Put em all together and you have all this complicated story of a monster who flies millions of light years across space.....to eat people. Look there been times when I've really been hungry for something that I don't have in the food pantry but I don't drive half way across the country just for a quick snack (which humans are for the monster since it can't seem to get full) But again I'm not a Chinese dragon.

The film seems to be easily found on DVD thanks to MST3K, no idea where to get the original version. Enjoy at your own risk!!

Hired! (1940)

We're Hired!!!!

[17 May 2005]

Beautiful short about one of my former careers, CAR SALES!! Though done a bit different than what I did. Brylcreemed new car sales guy gets interviewed by brylcreemed doughy sales manager who feels that new guy will be perfect for the sales team. Despite studying all the sales manuals and listening to Cop Killer by Body Count, he can't get the hang of selling cars (except one to old man Simmons) He's bummed and wants to kill himself. So does doughy guy who asks for advice from his senile dad (improper use of handkerchief)Dad sets him straight by telling him he must show his salesmen what they are doing wrong, how to go about it the right way and to use more brylcreem. Sales skyrocket thru the roof, all the sales guys get their big commission checks and go back home to their bottle of booze(and brylcreem)and live happily ever after!!

12 to the Moon (1960)

Cheap no thrills!!

[1/10 · 1 May 2005]

12 astronauts of different cultures and races decide the moon would be a good place to explore, sorry 12 idiots. Sure the movie's heart was in the right place but poorly cast and directed. Manly Ken Clark is back after battling leeches (attack of the giant leeches)as the hunky captain and representative for the USA. He and his well defined area lead a crew to a sound set that is supposed to be the moon, steam, exploding urinal cakes and meteor showers (ok how do you have meteor showers on a world with NO ATMOSPHERE!!) Anyway our crew gets reduced to 7 or 8 folks and a dog (one or two die and two others make out and get an invitation by the invisible aliens to live with them) Anyway to make a way too long story short, our heroes show some humanity to the aliens and give some hope that all of them can be friends in the distant future. Silent film actor Francis X Bushman has a small role in the film as the 800 year old narrator. Great way to end a film career!!

The Days of Our Years (1955)

God and trains

[16 April 2005]

I love this short, it is so depressing and MST are soooo mean with it and everyone involved. Where the heck does religion play into train safety? Who cares, it's a lot of fun. Earl Warren narrates here about members of his congregation who are train people and hate safety, and how these people will go to hell since they are accident prone.

This is done by the same people who sponsored Last Clear Chance, another classic from Union Pacific, that one involved the police captain from Adam-12. I don't remember Earl Warren being in any other production except supreme court judge. He was a bit pasty which made him perfect for the role. It was law that you could not be tan in the 50's.